Should I be worried over long-distance love’s ex?


My problem is that she is still involved in a business with her former boyfriend

Should I be worried over long-distance love’s ex?Dear Coleen

I met a Filipino lady online and we started chatting then calling each other for hours.

After a year of talking regularly we arranged to meet in person and discovered we liked each other more than we thought we would.

Then I met her family, including aunts, cousins, uncles and her close friends.

We decided to try a relationship and things are going really well. I speak to her mum and dad often as well and they all seem to adore me.

She has visited me and my family, too, and they all get along very well.

My problem is that she is still involved in a business with her former boyfriend.

She has told me many times that I have nothing to worry about and that whenever they talk it’s purely business that they discuss and nothing else.

Her dad assured me of this, too, although the ex has never been bothered to meet me in person. We have developed a proper relationship and she keeps telling me how much she loves me – we’ve even spoken about marriage and having a family.

She also wants to move here to be with me but should I be concerned about her ex?

Coleen says

I don’t think you should be concerned about her ex in particular.

I don’t know how else she could prove to you that she’s committed unless she gave up the business but, if it’s her livelihood, she’s unlikely to want to do that.

And if she does leave the country to be with you then there are clearly very few opportunities for them to see each other.

However – and I’m playing devil’s advocate here – are you sure her motives are entirely honest? I know relationships where people meet online can work out, but how much time have you really spent together in person to get to know each other?

How would she feel if you suggested moving there to be with her so she could keep her business going? Would she still be as keen? Or is she looking at you as her next business venture? I’m sorry if that sounds harsh.

I would suggest she visits you for an extended stay so you can get a feel for how it would be to live together. But I wouldn’t rush into marriage and kids until you’ve spent some proper time together.

I would also focus on the two of you and not be distracted by the enthusiasm of her family.



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