Infidelity can be hard enough to overcome but what should you do when a spouse cheats on your with a member of the same sex? One wife asks agony aunt Coleen Nolan
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My husband and I are both in our early 30s and have been together for four years. Recently, he admitted to me that a year into our marriage he slept with another guy. It only happened one time and he says he bitterly regrets it, and has felt guilty ever since. He said he was drunk on a stag weekend and blames the booze for what happened.
The reason he finally told me was because this guy (a friend of a friend) had been in touch with him, wanting to meet up, and I think he was worried I might find out about what happened.
My husband is the sort of guy who does most things to excess and it’s got him into trouble in the past, although he’s settled down a lot since we got married.
It’s what makes him interesting and attractive, but he takes it too far sometimes.
I’m so hurt over what he did, but I still want our marriage to work because I do love him. I don’t know how to handle it or if I can actually move on from it, as much as I want to. I’d love your opinion.
Well, it sounds as if you want to try to make the marriage work, so maybe you could respond to this guy, tell him you know about what happened and would appreciate it if he didn’t get in touch again because you’re working on your marriage.
Then I think you have to focus on the wider picture – can you really forgive your hubby and trust him again? What’s at the root of this need for excess and is it going to continue to be a problem in your marriage? He might benefit from talking to a counsellor because his behaviour has hurt you and threatened your marriage.
Can he control this need for excess or does he need help to work through some issues?
He also needs to be honest with himself and think about whether this really was a one-off or if he wants to explore his sexuality.
I think blaming his behaviour on booze is a bit of a cop-out – there’s usually something else behind drinking to excess and how you behave when you’re drunk.