How to Kiss…Well

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If you’ve come to this page, trying to figure out how to get a kiss on New Year’s Eve, then let me say it’s simple: Announce your need. Tell everyone in the room: I want to be kissed. There is no moment when your intentions may be better aligned with the nature of the event than the last second of the last minute of a year. No one will fault you for desire on December 31. Someone comes through, generally. It is a night that gives want its chance.

How to Kiss...Well

But if you have actually settled on this page to learn how kiss, generally, thinking I’m going to do a four-step instructional guide to , let me reward your Googling heart. I am not saying all kisses are great, nor that all kissers know what they are doing. But these guidelines will help. With time comes mastery, and its many rewards.

1. Be sure you have lips. Use them.

Maybe you think everybody does. But I’ve known a particular kind of kiss that was all dental work, teeth against teeth. And then, of course, the tongue, which in this case was no real thrill at all. That kiss kept getting thinner and harder until I began to feel we were after some sort of bone-crushing, science-fiction jaw lock right there under the street light. No lips, no give-and-take. A kiss demands a little surrender, yes. But there must be some resistance, too. That’s what the lips are for.

2. Touch, don’t grab.

Use your . Delicately. My girlfriend sometimes lays her hand flat on the side of my face when she kisses me. I like that. Or she spreads her fingers on the back of my neck. Very nice. Or locks her in mine. This is not distracting, and it isn’t . Not always. It’s dimensional. There’s a lot going on, because of her hands, her fingertips. Hands open things up.

3. Don’t steal kisses. Ask for them.

Just don’t do it with words. Sure, there’s a measure of permission involved, but it’s not a verbal contract, kissing. A lot of people will tell you it’s polite to ask. Maybe, if the situation calls for it. Other situations let you just take your shot. I trust you know the difference.

4. Be solid.

I once kissed a woman who told me the thing she liked about kissing was that she could hang on their shoulders. She liked the implication of strength. That’s the only thing I can tell you on that.

It occurs to me that you can’t do anything until you can kiss properly. There are you won’t know how to eat, words you won’t know how to say, constellations you will not be able to name. , you won’t know where to turn. I’m not even sure you can drive a car if you don’t know what it is to kiss. So get it right. Luckily for you, the only authority you’ll ever really need to consult is right there, pressed up against you, lip-to-lip. When you get it right, they will tell you, you will know, and maybe then someone will want to listen to your lessons.

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