Having sex for the very first time has (understandably) a lot of emotional buildup and expectation around it. But the truth is, between nerves and thinking OMG I AM HAVING SEX RIGHT NOW THIS IS IT AAAAAAAAH, it often ends up not exactly being an orgasm fest for you. Sorry, just being honest!
However, you can still make it sexy, romantic, passionate, sweet, and giddily fun by:
- Finding a private, safe spot to do it–one where you’re not worried about a roommate or anyone’s mom barging in at any moment.
- Making sure you’re relaxed and entirely sure you want to go through with it, where there’s no part of you that’s doing it out of pressure.
- Taking all the time you need to let yourself get fully aroused. (If someone wants to bone you and doesn’t want to wait and help make this happen, lock the gates!!!)
- Lubing the eff up. Seriously. (Even better, squeeze some lube onto your boo’s fingers and have them rub it on for you.)
- Having your partner wear a condom—obv. Especially if neither of you is on birth control and you haven’t talked about each other’s sexual histories.
- Hard as it is, try to relax. There may be a queef, a fart, or your bodies might make weird slappy noises when you’re doin’ it. Your partner may slip out or might be pressing their dick diligently in non-quite-the-right spot. Just laugh and start kissing again, and you’ll be just fine. That, and stick to basic positions that are comfortable and easy, like:
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The Lengthened Lotus
If it’s also your partner’s first time, they might be really, really excited–as in, a little more than they wish to be. Sit on your partner’s lap facing them and rock against them to keep them going a little longer. And if they do come quicker than they wanted: 1. Don’t shame them and 2. Use it as an excuse to do round 2 or 3 or 4 or 10…
The Erotic Explorer
If it’s your first time being really sexual with someone, it’s totally fine to start with masturbating at the same time. If you want to take it a step further, reach over to stroke each other. When in doubt, just copy how they touched themselves and if you’re totally lost, it’s always okay to just ask.
The Slow Cooker
It’ll be way better if you take your time and don’t just jump into the banging. Start with lots of foreplay to make sure you’re super ready for the D, then have your partner kneel to enter while you drape your legs over their thighs so you have the all-clear to stroke yourself. To make it last longer, try a thicker condom (look for “extended pleasure” or “extra strength”).
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Simple: Your partner gets in outer spoon position, puts one leg over your body and enters you from behind. In a good relationship, inner spoondom is a great place for feeling like you’re safe and all is right with the world. Take advantage of all that cuddliness to make your first time feel all warm and lovey. You’re free to enjoy all the good-feelings of the bonding hormone oxytocin hitting your brain, plus if you’d like, you have a free hand for rubbing yourself at the same time.
The Sideways Swoon
First time sex is all about connecting in an incredibly intimate way with someone. If you want to lean in that direction, try a side-by-side position. You can gaze into each other’s eyes, touch souls and whatnot, plus the angle isn’t known for deep penetration, lowering your chances of receiving a mechanical jackhammer pounding. (Note re: the jackhammering—No. Just no.)
The Lap Waltz
Woman-on-top positions are great for first timers because you get to control how deeply you want to go. Have your partner sit on a couch (um, maybe put down a towel or something), then kneel over them. One of you can hold onto their penis to guide it as you lower yourself onto them. It’s ok to go as slowly as you want—it just makes it hotter, TBH! Once aboard, put your hands on their shoulders, and use your legs to push yourself up and down so that you’re riding their penis. Once you get the hang of it, you can gyrate, grind against them or stop for a moment for a long kiss.
It’s a classic for a reason. For more control, instead of going straight into legs-wide-open missionary, assume the usual position, but curl up your legs in front of you (like a fetus, but, you know, a sexy one.) Your respective body parts will still get where they need to get, but if you need to slow bae down, you can guide them as you please with your legs.
The Frisky Doggy
If losing your V-card is a little overwhelming, what with all the eye gazing and wondering how the hell you’re supposed to be touching your partner, etc. … go with doggy. All you have to do is get on all fours and experience the feeling of another person inside of you for the first time. Press your legs together it you want or need shallow penetration and open wider for deeper penetration. Rock your hips a little or don’t—it’s all up to you!
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