Consists of all the sexual activities that involve the use of the mouth. This may include use of the lips, tongue, teeth, and throat to stimulate the genitals.
In case you aren’t familiar with the terminology;
Fellatio refers to oral sex performed on a man.
Cunnilingus refers to oral sex performed on a woman.
Analingus refers to oral stimulation of a person’s anus.
People may engage in oral sex as part of foreplay before intercourse, or during or following intercourse. It may also be performed for its own sake.
Safe Oral Sex
“How safe is oral sex?” This question has been on the tip of many a tongue (pun intended) for at least the last couple of decades. The evidence is that STDs/STIs (STDs) can be spread through oral sex. With STD rates on the rise, we all should be taking measures to ensure we keep ourselves safe and healthy in all aspects of sexual activity.
Safe oral sex is primarily an issue of prevention of STD transmission – not of pregnancy prevention. But just because it does not involve birth control doesn’t mean we can get lazy about it. Safe sex practices are important regardless of the kind of sex. Here we offer some information on STDs that can be, or are suspected to be, transmitted orally -together with some suggestions on how to make Oral Sex safe.
Oral Sex and STDs
HIV / AIDS
Reports vary, but there is significant evidence that HIV cannot easily be transmitted orally. Dr. Jeffrey Klausner specializes in STD transmission and made some interesting findings during his work in the San Francisco area (USA). Dr Klausner holds that HIV is very difficult to transmit orally. After a study performed on 239 gay/bisexual men, 28% of whom knew their partners were HIV positive, not one reported transmission of the virus. From this study Dr. Klausner concluded that HIV is next to impossible to be transmitted orally.
Further research in Spain followed 110 women and 25 men who were all healthy (HIV-negative) and who had HIV-positive partners for 10 years, and not one of them reported transmission. It appears from this research that HIV is not a significant risk with oral sex. It is important to note however that HIV has reportedly been transmitted through anal sexual contact, making oral-anal contact suspect, especially if open sores or lesions are present.
HPV (Human Papilloma Virus)
This infection has been shown to be transmitted orally, as it is highly infectious when active. It will generally form what look like warts on or near the genitals of both sexes. They may be more difficult to identify on women than men because they may appear on the cervix (inside the vagina) of women. They can also develop around the anus, making anal-oral contact questionable. HPV has the potential in some cases to develop into or precede cancer. Although there is little clinical evidence of oral transmission, the warts shed the virus and any form of contact with them should be avoided if possible.
This bacterium often causes pelvic pain and fluid discharge (from the urethra or vagina, for men and women respectively). It is often carried by women without any symptoms at all and, although not common, it has been reported to have been transmitted orally. As yet, research is inconclusive as to how virulent it may actually be orally.
This group (Hepatitis A, B, and C) are most often transmitted between intravenous drug users, but there is limited evidence that they may be orally transmissible as well. Hep B is the most worrisome, and can cause chronic liver damage and disease. Hep A is more commonly found and is usually not serious, but is more likely transmitted through oral-anal contact rather than oral-penis/vaginal sex.
While most experts agree that there is a risk of transmission of syphilis through oral-genital contact, it is difficult to quantify at this point. Ulcers or chancres are present when the disease is active, so if any open sores are visible around or near the mouth or genitals, once again, even oral sexual contact should be avoided.
Herpes Simplex Virus (HSV)
This group has become more common in recent years relative to other STDs. It is the most likely cause of ulcers in the genital area (small blisters on the penis or vulva). It has occasionally been reported to have been transmitted by oral sex, but is much more commonly transmitted through penis-vagina sexual contact. When open ulcers are present, transmission risk becomes far greater.
This disease is another without adequate study to conclude its rate of transmission via oral sex. The disease looks different for men and women. To women it can look like pelvic infection or fertility issues, with outside symptoms showing at a minimum or not at all. To men it involves pain and fluid discharge (leaking fluids) from the urethra. Again, there is little evidence thus far of infection by oral sex, but the pathogen has been isolated in the throats of both men and women, so if symptoms appear, it is probably better to avoid all sexual contact until it is looked at by a physician.
Bacterial infections in the gastro-intestinal tract
There is small evidence that various other organisms including Salmonella, Shigella, and Campylobacter have been transmitted by oral to anal contact. While not often serious, these infections can be painful and require the use of heavy antibiotics to clear from the body. While there has been the occasional fatality from Salmonella and Shigella, the vast majority of cases are quickly recovered from. If you suspect a problem, see your physician.
So the basic message is that safe sex practices are still important with oral sex, as with penis-vaginal sex. And as you might expect, the precautions are much the same.
The most obvious method of protection is to avoid contact with partners (especially new partners) who have obvious breaks in the skin of their mouth or genitals. Any form of skin opening, wart, chancre, blister, or ulcer in either the mouth or pelvic region is a clear sign that something may be wrong, and that even oral should be avoided until it is looked into.
Furthermore, for both men and women the next best thing is use of a condom (for fellatio) or dental dam (for cunnilingus). Many people agree that a flavored condom makes a better choice, rather than the taste of straight latex rubber. Dental dams are not nearly as available as condoms, but a condom can be modified for the purpose.
Making a dental dam out of a condom is an easy process. Cut the top and bottom off the condom, leaving the middle section intact and looking like a tube. Cut up one side of the tube and you have a cheap, easy dental dam of decent quality (depending on the brand of condom).
For analingus (oral-anal contact) you can also use a dental dam. Especially with this form of oral you need to be extra careful about cleanliness, so gentle cleaning before engaging in sexual activities is recommended. The key is to be very gentle so as to prevent micro tears in the skin.
In the absence of the above mentioned barrier methods, men can avoid ejaculating into their partners’ mouths to help reduce any risk.
Some have suggested that brushing teeth and flossing before oral sex may help; however, this myth is potentially dangerous. The current thought is that although you may have better breath, flossing or brushing can cause tiny fissures in the mouth that may actually increase exposure to viruses.
Further precautions include avoiding deep or aggressive thrusting into the mouth, as this may cause similar tears in the soft tissues of the throat.
Conclusions about oral sexual safety
Although oral sex is arguably (and now also clinically) safer than traditional sexual contact, there are still the inherent health risks associated with close physical sexual contact. The simple fact is that you need to be careful no matter what you do, who you do, and how you do it with them, so take the needed precautions!
You only get one body, so we encourage you to take care of it with proper safe sex practices.
(Note: Review our various articles for definitions and tips on the various types of Oral Sex – Fellatio, Cunnilingus and Analingus.)
A small word of warning … before you start poking around their backside, make sure that your partner is ok with it. Some people are not, and won’t react gently when they feel an “intruder””. Some men will be uncomfortable with the idea initially, because of taboos of supposed Homosexual behavior. Let us put your mind at rest; anal play is thoroughly enjoyed by heterosexuals as well.
If you want to try analingus, but your partner doesn’t, don’t try to force them! You have a much better chance that they will try it if you have their cooperation, rather than arguing with you. Bring the topic up gently on occasion, and help them open up to this experience by getting them comfortable in the area and with the idea.
Cleanliness is essential with virtually all forms of this type of play. Before engaging in Analingus, make sure to thoroughly wash the area. A bath or a shower is a great primer, and can be the start of the festivities. Once clean, licking this area of the body is virtually no different than licking any other, and can be very stimulating for both you and your partner.
Without going too close to their anus, explore their inner thighs and bottom with your hands and mouth. Some people (especially women) have had bad experiences with anal play in their history, mostly because their partner moved much faster, or less gently, than they should have. If this is true in your case, getting them to talk about the topic is a great way to start. By learning where they went wrong, you can prevent that experience from happening again.
A great way to start performing analingus is to move into it after the giver performs fellatio/cunnilingus. The area is really sensitive, so run the tongue around in circular motions, use the tongue to tickle, and when you are both ready for it, even to penetrate.
Access to the anus is a little tougher than to a vagina, but there are several positions that are ideal: laying the receiver on their back with a large pillow to arch their bottom up; the receiver sitting on the giver’s face; the receiver bent over with legs spread; the receiver laying on their back pulling their legs back, and the receiver upside down with their legs spread.
Once any part of the giver has been inside the receiver’s anus, it should not be put in anywhere else until cleansed. For Analingus a mouthwash/ teethbrushing should suffice. Carelessness in this regard can cause a very serious infection.
There are many nerve-endings around the anus that can make this form of sex-play an absolute blast for both men and women… turn-off the taboos and get totally turned-on!
Performing cunnilingus can be one of the most wonderful things you can do for a woman. It makes her feel loved, admired, sexy, and has the potential to give her an exceptional Orgasm. Many women prefer it to intercourse, and for those who require a large amount of clitoral stimulation, it is the easiest way to orgasm. Besides, lots of women expect it these days and men who perform great cunnilingus are always appreciated and considered fabulous lovers.
There is little more exciting to a woman than to know that her partner finds her delicious; meaning that you enjoy the taste, smell and feeling of her vaginal juices. At the same time, there is little less exciting to a woman than to think that you don’t like the taste and smell of her most intimate region. The smell of a woman is normally fairly mild and pleasant, being quite arousing to the partner. The type and degree of smell can vary considerably from one woman to another and at different times it may be stronger (e.g. closer to her period).
If your partner has a smell that is more than you can handle, or she doesn’t feel comfortable with you down there (thinking you won’t like the smell), suggest taking a nice hot shower or bath together. See the Bathing and Showering section for more details on how to make that bathroom experience a whole lot of fun for the both of you.
Before reading further, you may want to get acquainted with this region of her body by reading the Her Erogenous Zones section and having a look at the Female Diagram.
Remember, there is almost nothing you can do that will feel bad (so long as you are gentle), so relax! Any licking and sucking of the labia, vaginal entrance, clitoris, or anal area should feel great to your partner. Also, once you find something that works, don’t stray too far away from it unless you are moving to something that works better, or if you are teasing.
To be able to perform for extended periods of time, there are a number of exercises that can be used to strengthen the muscles in your mouth. Here are a few tongue exercises and positions for performing cunnilingus:
Stick your tongue as far out of your mouth as possible, and then try to touch your nose. Once you are in this position, hold the same muscle groups still and begin moving your tongue around. Practice in sets, moving the tongue clockwise, counterclockwise, and up and down.
With a loose jaw, point your tongue while simultaneously trying to keep your tongue in constant contact with the top and bottom your mouth. Once you are in this position, practice moving your tongue in and out of your mouth. For the more advanced student, try keeping your mouth closed and circling your tongue around inside of it, while of course, maintaining position. An extension to the advanced exercise is trying to dissolve a lifesaver held in your teeth from the inside out.
Stick your tongue straight out of your mouth, trying to keep your tongue flat and relaxed. Slowly, while holding the position, practice curling the wide tip of the tongue upward, downward and side-to-side. Practice in five sets of ten, holding each move for 2 seconds.
Keep your tongue relaxed and open your mouth. Move your tongue in and out of your mouth forwards and in both directions. Practice in five sets of twenty.
Cunnilingus – Advanced
Take a few minutes to read Cunnilingus Basics and then come back here to fine-tune your approach with some special earth-moving, hip-shaking, mind-blowing techniques that will have her panting your name and praising your game! Try all of these in one session and she might not come back down from the heavens until the morning:
Leaving your tongue soft and jaw relaxed, try licking her from vaginal entrance up to her clit and following the outer edges of her vagina along both sides. Repeating this technique going up and down and vice versa can be a great opener.
While holding the two parts together with your lips, run your tongue between the inner and outer labia one side at a time.
The majority of a woman’s nerve endings in her vagina are around the opening and within the first couple of inches inside. Target them with your tongue by inserting it into her vaginal opening. Techniques are pretty limited due to the length of your tongue, but try moving your tongue in and out, as well as in circles around the inside of her opening.
Spread her outer vaginal lips with your fingers. With your tongue pointed, gently flick your tongue around her clitoris. Feel free to roam, but keep coming back to her clitoris, as it is the most sensitive. This drives some women wild, and others find it to too intense. When stimulating her clit make sure to start out gently if you aren’t sure how she likes it. When you try this, pay attention to whether those moans are ecstasy or pain.
The following techniques should not be introduced until your partner is really hot (i.e., very wet). These are more intense techniques, and may be too intense for some women, even when nearing orgasm.
The Clitoris Suck
Expose her clitoris by spreading her lips and lightly pull back her hood. With her clitoris exposed, give it a quick little suck; pulling it into your mouth briefly and letting it go. This is a lot like licking a bit of cake batter off of your pinky. This feels incredible, and is a fine thing to do if you feel like tormenting her – but don’t overdo it! We recommend not using your teeth nor using heavy suction when starting out.
The Clitoris Hold
Take her exposed clit into your mouth and gently suck on it, simultaneously flicking your tongue over and around it. This can be done very lightly or very aggressively, and combined with fingering, will usually rapidly produce an intense orgasm.
The Tongue Tube
Roll your tongue into a tube (if you cannot do this, forget about it because it is genetic and you can’t learn it). This technique works best in an inverted or 69 position. Roll your tongue into a tube around her clitoris. Slide it back-and-forth; in effect, your tongue is doing something similar to a woman’s vagina around a man’s penis. This is likely to bring any woman over the edge to an explosive orgasm.
Try using your tongue to spell the alphabet on her genitals. This works surprisingly well as your tongue is always moving in different directions. Learn her favorite letters and the orders that work the best!
A good lover’s hands never stop moving, so keep exploring, insert a finger, or massage her thighs while you perform.
You can also try using a wide variety of flavored gels, oils, and lubricants. Some of these products heat up when rubbed or blown to add extra stimulation.
Having a mint in your mouth while you are performing cunnilingus can also improve your results. The mint, as long as it is not too weak or strong, can create a very intense tingling sensation to enhance your performance.
Try some – or why not all – of the above techniques and neither of you will regret it. Techniques like this are sure to help her achieve that (sometimes) elusive Orgasm!
Fellatio – Basics
Fellatio is oral sex performed on a man. It is a great way to give pleasure; regardless of whether it is for foreplay, after play, or the main event. Like all other sexual skills, they must be learned, so communication is highly recommended. Whether the communication is before, during, or after, it is essential to learn the art. Finding out what he likes will invariably go a long way towards performing mind-blowing oral sex.
Before reading further, you may want to get acquainted with this region of his body by reading the His Erogenous Zones section and having a look at the Male Diagram.
Keep in mind, when you are performing oral sex, you are doing this for him. Sending negative vibes about not wanting to or how much of a chore it is will take away from his experience. If you act enthusiastic, chances are it will be over faster, and it will be your turn to receive. If you are really against performing fellatio, explain to your partner why you don’t, and don’t allow him to force you if you are uncomfortable.
Cleanliness is essential with virtually all forms of sexual play; particularly in oral sex where a bad taste or smell will undoubtedly dampen enthusiasm on the part of the giver. A bath or shower is a great primer, and can be the start of the festivities. If you are uncomfortable with a particular smell that your partner may have, suggest taking a shower with you, because you’ve had a busy day and don’t feel clean. You don’t want to point out the smell (unless it is a very common occurrence and can be prevented), as that will only lead to anxieties and take away from the overall experience.
Finding an agreeable position for fellatio is usually not a difficult task. Both the man receiving fellatio and the person performing it need to be comfortable. For deep throating, it is wiser to choose a position where the angle of the penis and the angle of your throat are somewhat aligned. For a better look at positions for oral sex, have a look in our sexual position section.
Too often oral sex is initiated by sucking on the penis. To achieve a more powerful orgasm, it is better practice to start with some teasing. With the exception of a quickie, fellatio should be started with some well placed teasing. Start by kissing and licking around his penis, on the inner thighs, then on to his testicles, and then slowly up his shaft towards his glans (the head of his penis). Once you get there, use your tongue to tickle him around the glans, and especially on his frenulum, the split on the underside of his penis. At this point, he should be hard as a rock and super-sensitive to everything that you do. You can continue teasing if you like, but we don’t recommend teasing too long, as this can become frustrating for the receiver.
One common problem women performing fellatio make is using only their mouth to repeatedly stroke his penis. They continue doing this until either it works, or they get a sore jaw and neck. A good “blow job” should not be too repetitive, should include stroking using a hand and the exploration of his testicles, thighs and (if you and he like) the anal region. By mixing up your style, you allow your muscles to relax, you can avoid getting a sore neck and you can improve your performance.
How you mix it up should depend on what your partner’s likes. Although there is a lot to say about fellatio that can get the job done in a matter of minutes, it is the longer ones that usually result in more intense orgasms, and coincidently are remembered. (Click here to read about stroking techniques).
It is a good idea to keep an eye on his scrotum (his testicle “sack”), as it is usually a good indicator of how close he is to coming. As a guy gets closer to climax, the skin on his scrotum tightens and pulls his testicles towards his body to warm them up. You can let this happen on its own, or help out by stimulating his testicles with a hand, tongue, or mouth.
Once you get the basics, and are comfortable and experienced with them, there are a lot of options to increase the pleasure. One option is using lubricants on his shaft. This will allow you to stroke faster without causing irritation. There are a wide variety of products that can be used,this includes: flavored lubricants, lubricants that heat up when blown on or rubbed, water based, oil based and many others. On this note, using whipped cream, spreads, and other food can also be incorporated to make the “blow job” more erotic.
Sex Toys can add more stimulation. Whether it is a regular vibrator, a vibrating cock ring, or an oral simulator, these toys can greatly intensify the stimulation. These days, there is virtually a sex toy for everything and everyone, so check out our toy store to find a product that is perfect for you.
If your man likes to experiment, we recommend stimulating his prostate gland with your finger or an anal toy to take his orgasms to a whole new world of pleasure. For more information on this, please refer to the anal play article.
Another more difficult to master skill is deep throating. In this, the performer takes the entire penis into the mouth and down the throat – hence the name. In many cases, the sensation is so intense that climax in men comes quickly. As enjoyable as this may be, it takes time to learn to control your gag reflex. You can train your gag reflex by trying to take as much of the penis as you can when performing fellatio. Your partner should restrain from any thrusting during this exercise! With time, you will be able to go deeper and deeper, until finally you’ll be able to take the whole thing.
Most men find it very erotic to have a partner swallow their semen, but if you really don’t feel comfortable with it, don’t do it. Options include: catching it in your mouth, then spitting it out; using a tissue to catch it; or, just letting it shoot and clean up the mess afterwards. To find out more about semen, we suggest reading our article on Male Orgasm & Ejaculation.
Many women stop performing fellatio right after their man ejaculates. Instead, you should continue to gently stimulate orally or with your hand for a minute or two longer. After a climax, the penis becomes much more sensitive, so try giving it to him a little longer. Be careful though, some men find this after-play too intense to handle.
Warnings and Suggestions
Very few men like the feeling of teeth on their penis. Teeth can cause discomfort, cuts, and scratches to the skin if you are not careful. This is easily avoided by tucking your lips around your teeth before you take the penis in your mouth.
The use of condoms is highly recommended in the practice of safer sex. If you are not sure of your partner’s sexual history, it is strongly advised that you use a condom while performing any sexual act. If you want something a little more interesting try using a flavored condom and by all means stay away from the lubricated variety (the lubricants used on condoms taste horrible). A good suggestion for anyone using a condom during fellatio is to buy a flavored lubricant to turn a normal latex condom into a tasty condom.
Fellatio – Advanced
Take a few minutes to read Fellatio Basics and then come back here to fine-tune your approach. Ok … so now that you have gathered a good understanding of the basics, here are some more advanced lessons that are sure to knock his socks off!
Place your guy flat on his back on your bed, in a well-lit room. Take his penis in your hand and LOOK at it. You will notice a point of juncture where the two ends of this irregular circle come together. If your partner is not circumcised, this will also be the point where the foreskin is attached. This tiny area is likely the most sensitive spot on his entire body.
Spend time caressing the head and those areas immediately surrounding it. Beneath the head of the penis (glans) is the shaft of the penis. Apparently, according to people who study this type of thing, the shaft does not have many nerve endings and does not, therefore, provide a man with any high degree of stimulation when caressed either manually or with your tongue to the exclusion of the glans head itself. You can add a high degree of pleasure for him by paying the right kind of attention to the testicles.
So LOOK at your partner’s penis. Study it. Learn its areas of special sensitivity completely and be ready to apply your knowledge to his body with your tongue and with your lips when you bend your loving head over his cock.
The most important thing to do at the beginning of going down on a man is to learn to gauge his reactions to stimulus. Once this is done, you will be able to finish him on demand, thereby keeping the favor from becoming a chore.
While his erect penis points toward the ceiling, cup his testicles in one hand and gently, using only your tongue, lick softly, but carefully along the entire underside of his erect organ. As you explore along the underbelly you will learn those areas that give him the greatest pleasure when your tongue is touching them.
For most men the most sensitive area will be the point where the ring of the head and the foreskin are attached; or were attached prior to his circumcision. Position yourself so that your tongue is in direct contact with the “split” in the glans head, and simply stimulate that area with any variety of motions; circular, back and forth, side to side.
Place the head of his penis inside your mouth, but do not tighten your lips around the shaft. With your tongue, begin a circle motion around his head with the tip of your tongue. The head of his penis will slide to different places in your mouth as you continue the circle motion.
The technique is a great transition move between techniques; just make sure to experiment with the whole spectrum of pleasurable pressure, as this is incredibly stimulating just about any way it is performed. You can also incorporate spinning your head in a back and forth motion to add a little extra sprinkle of love.
Now let’s discuss a technique that is probably the most common in the world; stroking the penis orally. Take his erection in your mouth by sliding your moistened tongue lovingly over the head until your lips close around the shaft, going as far down as you feel comfortable.
Remember the shaft is relatively insensitive to most stimulation, so the majority of the pleasure is coming from the head of his penis coming into contact with your tongue, roof of the mouth, and or the throat. Since keeping it in contact with something at all times can be difficult, a short and gentle stroking motion can provide a significant impact.
Wouldn’t it be great if there was a little gauge somewhere that can give you some feedback on how you are doing? Good thing it is exists!
When a man is in a relaxed state, his scrotum and testicles hang freely. As the state of arousal increases, the scrotum will tighten, pulling the testicles closer and closer towards his body. This is a natural process geared at preparing the contents of the testicles for mobilization.
Even better news… his state of arousal, represented in part by his scrotum, can be directly affected by manually and orally stimulating his scrotum. Although you definitely do not want to play rough with his testicles, it can be a welcome change of pace if your neck or arms are getting tired.
An oral ejaculation is not always a welcome event, especially when it’s not being expected. Although it’s not recommended to cut off the flow entirely, the flow can be reduced by applying pressure to his urethra, found along the entire base of his shaft.
One of the first problems encountered when learning to perform fellatio was a gag reflex, especially when dealing with men who seem to always want to force their penis as far as they can get it in. (Especially at the moment when they cum!)
According to the statistics, the awkwardness of this situation is confirmed by considering that the average length of your oral cavity is three to three and a half inches while the average penis, in North America, is approximately five and a half inches.
As difficult as it may sound, many have overcome the gag reflex and can take most if not all of their partner into the land of deep-throating. Getting over this hump simply takes practice, ideally on an object that isn’t attached to something that has the tendency to push deeper when you want to abort…
If your partner doesn’t fall victim to the urge to palm your head like a basketball, live training can work… but if all else fails, a popsicle can be a good starter. Just remember to give yourself time to overcome the reflex, rushing this skill will only lead to uncomfortable situations.
If you follow these instructions we imagine that you will have the guy in your life eating out of the palm of your hand, or at least eating out of something…
Be safe, and equally important, ENJOY, because that is the most important part.
Try some – or why not all – of the above techniques and neither of you will regret it. Techniques like this are sure to help him achieve an amazing Orgasm!
Fellatio – Deep Throat
‘Deep Throat’, the controversial though enormously successful sex movie, was first released in 1972. An entire flick dedicated to the ‘subterranean’ blow job (BJ), it brought sex out of the closet and forever changed the way people viewed this form of fellatio. So what exactly is a ‘deep throat blow job’, and more importantly, could it be easier to perform than it looks?
A blow job with depth
In order to perform this type of oral sex, a fellator engulfs an erect penis in their mouth past the epiglottis (the piece of tissue that hangs at the entrance of the throat). The phallus is taken as far down as possible and, assuming it is long enough, to the point of partially swallowing it. If the fellator is able, their lips will be able to touch the base of the man’s penis and his testicles.
Gurgling and slurping sounds usually go with the territory – and can be a major turn on for a man who receives this type of BJ. Coughing and gagging sounds are also fairly common, arousing both for the auditory aspect and because the throat and mouth tighten even harder around the shaft. These elements make the owner of the penis feel like it’s so big that their partner just can’t fit them all the way in – and so deep throat strokes a man’s ego as well as his manhood!
It’s not as easy as it looks
A deep throat blow job involves a great deal of skill. The fellator must be cognizant about taking inward breaths between taking the male member deep into their mouth. This doesn’t mean that breathing isn’t possible during a deep throat BJ, merely that it requires the fellator to flatten and stick out their tongue as far as possible.
Some fellators, if not most, prefer not to choke on their man’s phallus – so it’s important to manage one’s natural instinct to spit out the offending member, rather than just relaxing their mouth/throat even more. The giver must also control their tongue and throat so as not to succumb to their gag reflex.
The gag reflex
People have different sensitivities to the gag reflex – an involuntary contraction that occurs at the back of the throat. The purpose of this pharyngeal reflex is to prevent accidental choking, and it can be triggered by objects pressing against the soft palate (the back of the roof of the mouth), as well as by large objects being pressed into the back of the mouth.
The average length of an erect penis, at five or so inches or so, is longer than the depth of the average mouth. It’s therefore no surprise that giving this form of fellatio poses a serious problem for someone with a natural gag reflex. Fortunately, there are few ways to work around it. First and foremost, be patient; suppressing one’s gag reflex takes time and practice.
How to deep throat WITHOUT gagging
As with many other sexual acts, positioning is everything, but size sure makes a difference. Also, when it comes to deep-throating, this is one case where bigger isn’t always better. However, while it is easier to execute certain sexual acts with a man whose penis is smaller, it is possible to do so successfully if you follow some of these helpful hints.
A deep throat BJ can be performed most easily from a number of Fellatio Sex Positions. One is simply for the receiver to stand, or sit, on the edge of the bed while the giver kneels in front of them (characterized by Atten-hut and Game’s On respectively). Another method is to assume a fellator-on-top 69 and blow – er – go from there. Since the penis naturally bends upward towards the man’s torso, there’ll be less pressure put on the giver’s throat.
In another variation, the fellator lies face up on the bed with their head hanging over the edge while the fellatee stands, or leans, slightly forward in front of them (think Throat Swab). This technique effectively lines up the throat and mouth, aiding penetration, although the fellator may feel like they have less control over what they’re doing – and, in turn, get choked from such a psychological barrier.
Practice Makes Perfect
Here are a couple of tips that’ll pave your way to deep throat success. If you want to practice on something before you try it on your man, use a dildo that’s flexible, almost to the point of being floppy. Not all penises are that bendy, but using one such as this is a great way to ease your way into deep-throating and gain more confidence.
The farther out you can stick your tongue, the less of a chance there is to gag. Doing so suppresses the gag reflex, makes more room for the penis, and helps you breathe better during a deep throat session.
When you get the sensation that you’re about to gag, the best thing to do is not panic. Not only will this initiate tension in the mouth and throat, it will make it more difficult to overcome the gag reflex. Simply breathe out softly and gently ease off his penis. Give yourself a little break by integrating other sexual acts such as Prostate Stimulation, Hand-job, or regular old Fellatio before going back deep down on his penis.
What to do if you’re a gagger
A short term solution is to use a numbing throat spray, which some authorities on oral sex swear by. These are generally available in a variety of flavors. Another quick fix is to use a water based lubricant while giving head. Though it’s generally known for its benefits in the vaginal and anal sex department, an edible Lubricant is effective in aiding deep throating; the slippery stuff can actually decrease gag reflex.
A known long term strategy to desensitize one’s gag reflex is by employing the use of a toothbrush. Try brushing your tongue as far back as you can possibly reach, without getting all choked up, and maintain the brushing motion for a few minutes. Repeat this process daily, and move the brush back a little further into the mouth every day.
Deep-throating is just one of a multitude of acts that can be performed during sex. It takes practice and patience to master this ‘down’ reaching deed, but once you get the hang of it, your fellatio finesse goes way, way up!