Many couples — even those who consider themselves to have a very healthy sex life and an open mind toward different positions and techniques, even a tender S&M session from time-to-time — still get a little uneasy when another part of the body is brought up. Especially when that part of the body happens to be the same place you use for something that’s not sexy at all.
But when you or your girlfriend give anal play a chance, you might find that you are both turned on by this additional playground. Many women have reported enjoying anal sex and even having orgasms from the act, while some men have the same experience when their G-spot (located in the prostate) is touched or fondled. Even so, when you consider putting your lips near her bottom or vice versa, you both might get a little… well, hesitant.
It’s not only totally normal, but to be expected. “As rimming is a bit of a quantum leap from traditional sex, it needs to be discussed a bit, the same as anal sex of any kind does. Many people, both women and men, have pretty adverse feelings about anything going into their butt, and the thought of a tongue going in there may frankly horrify your partner,” sex expert Coleen Singer says.
So if you’re interested in how to give or receive a rim job, let this be your guide to trying something that’s pretty far outside of your comfort zone.
1. What Is A Rim Job?
You’ve likely heard the term when chatting with your buddies or watching porn, but you might not know exactly what it entails. Singer explains: “A “rim job” is a slang term for “analingus,” defined as oral stimulation of the anus.” So mouth-to-bottom interaction.
2. What Are The Risks?
Just like with oral sex or any type of activity that involves bodily functions or areas, taking the proper precautions to protect yourself and your partner is key. “People practicing rimming should be aware that it is risky in terms of disease transmission unless safer sex practices are used. Infections may be contracted fecal-orally, like Hepatitis A, shigellosis, pathogenic E. coli, salmonellosis, and other infectious agents,” Singer explains. “Analingus can be done safely if the anus is covered with a dental dam or sheet of plastic cling wrap. A dental dam is a sheer sheet of latex. It can be stretched over the anus to keep fecal germs away from the partner performing the analingus. The tongue should only come in contact with the dam or cling film. Not exactly a sexy solution, but if you are being cautious, this is a possible option to take.”
3. Why Is It Enjoyable?
The pleasure of giving or receiving a rim job will vary from couple to couple, and, of course, from person to person. If you’re in a committed relationship, that’s usually the best time to try this somewhat scandalous activity because it does require more preparation and isn’t a spontaneous act, most of the time. Since women usually have more interaction with that area of their body as opposed to men, your partner might feel more up for you giving her a rim job than giving one in return. “The anus and perineum both have a lot of highly-sensitive nerve endings, and touch stimulation can be sexually pleasurable,” Singer says. “Women who report they enjoy being given a rim job often say that aside from the nerve stimulation, they find the level of intimacy and trust very much enhances their sexual experience with their partner that is willing to do it!”
As for you? The same logic applies: you’re hyper-sensitive down there, especially with your G-spot tucked away in that area. After you’ve given her a rim job a few times and you’re up for the challenge of letting her do it, suggest you shower together and give it a whirl. “As with the case in women, men’s anuses and perineum also have a lot of highly-sensitive nerve endings. One important other factor: As powerful as this physical stimulation may be, it pales when compared to the often greater psychological or mental high,” Singer says. “The very notion of the man placing himself into such a vulnerable position can result in a powerful mental rush, for both the receiver as well the giver.”
4. How To Get Started
When you give your first rim job, think of it a lot like foreplay, hand play and oral sex. You want to make sure your partner is relaxed, comfortable and open to the pleasure that might ensue. The founder of CallMeMaybe.us, Michael Alvear, says caressing touch is a nice opening move: “Massaging your partner’s butt cheeks is also a great way to release any stress they may be feeling, and prime their sphincters for the massage your tongue is about to deliver,” he explains.
And since your hands are already there, use it as your runway to get closer to the area. This will make for a smoother transition that won’t feel as abrupt or uncomfortable for your girl. “Cover your partner’s butt cheeks with a variety of kisses, tiny pecks, puckered smooches and full-throated French kisses and allow the intimacy to alleviate anxiety,” Alvear says.
When you’re ready to begin giving the rim job, you want to make sure you’re applying the same methods that you would use when going down on your partner. Just like you wouldn’t count your ABCs to get her off or be overly aggressive with your tongue on her vagina, don’t do the same with her bottom. You want to lead in carefully and go slow: “Don’t dart your tongue in and out because it will feel like somebody’s poking you. Flatten your tongue instead to cover more area and reduce the tickling sensation,” he explains. “Quick movements around extremely delicate areas make people flinch. Slow the process down with comforting pleasure. You want your partner to enjoy this, not flail in self-defense.”
To finish, you want to tease your partner until you’re potentially ready to have intercourse. Your girlfriend might not be able to finish through a rim job alone, so you want to make sure that she’s as turned on and ready as she can be before you begin making love. Alvear says you can take the experience to a whole new intense level by incorporating short bursts of oxygen into your rhythm. “The butt hole is such a sensitive area that simply exposing it to surrounding air stimulates it. Then enhance this sensation by blowing air through your pursed lips, both by hitting the bull’s eye of the rectum and circling the outer rim,” he explains.