I still love her and get stomach cramps thinking about another guy having sex with my her
My wife and I separated five months ago because I was drinking and arriving home late every night, which I sorted out. Now I don’t drink any more.
I moved out and she stayed at home with our three young daughters. I’m 32 and she’s 30.
The first month after our separation she met a guy and told me she wanted to divorce, which I refused. I told her that I didn’t think it was a good idea to rush into such a thing.
She bragged about finding “true love” with this guy, only to find out he was a player.
I know this because I asked her to be brutally honest with me if we had any hope of a reconciliation. The thing is, I get stomach cramps thinking about another guy having sex with my wife. I don’t think I can trust her again, but I do still love her.
For the past few days she’s been calling me a lot, telling me I didn’t have to move out and to come back home. The problem is, I now know she’s capable of these things and that scares me. How do I get past this?
You might not be able to get past it – some people can’t. But, I think to give yourself a fighting chance it would be a very good idea to have relationship counselling. You’ve been through a lot. Your drinking and the breakdown of your marriage, as well as your wife sleeping with other men during the separation.
I think it’s good you’ve both been honest with each other – even though it hurts like hell – because all the cards are on the table and it’s the best position to be in to try rebuilding.
You have to work out what was wrong before you can start to put it right.
You’re still a young couple with a young family so, if you’re both willing, then it’s worth trying every avenue before throwing in the towel.
You might realise via counselling that you can’t move on with your wife, but you’ll be in a better place to deal with the consequences of that and start to rebuild your life positively.
More of our agony aunt Coleen Nolan’s advice on your sex, family, health and relationship problems