He can’t wait for us to be a family but I worry about how it will affect my other children
I have been married to my husband for 13 years. However, during that time I got together with my ex and we had a child, although I wasn’t sure who the father was until my son was nine and my husband took a DNA test.
After my husband discovered he wasn’t our son’s biological father, I told him he should file for a divorce and we are currently separated with the divorce pending.
I also told my ex about our son and he is very excited about this and he can’t wait for us to be a family. My only problem is, he’s now married and hasn’t yet told his wife that he had a child with me.
I love him and I want to be with him and our son, but I worry about his family and also the effect on my other children. I am so confused – please can you advise on what I should do?
Slow down! Your ex says he’s “excited” and “can’t wait” for you all to be a family, and you’re talking as if now the truth is out you can just snap your fingers and live happily ever after. I hate to give you a reality check, but this is a messy situation with real people and real emotions at the heart of it.
Your main problem is not that your ex is married and hasn’t told his wife yet – it’s that you have to look closer to home think about how you’re going to explain this to your nine-year-old son.
He will be devastated that the only dad he’s ever known is no longer at home, and you have to think very carefully about how you explain the situation to him so that he doesn’t feel he’s to blame for the break-up of your marriage.
And you cannot expect him to just move in with a complete stranger
and start calling him Dad! If you tell your son, he’s going to need a lot of help and support from both you and your husband.
You were right to end your marriage if it was unhappy, but don’t go headlong into a relationship or an affair with your ex. Working with your husband to ensure the wellbeing of your children comes first.
As for your ex, this is real life. Maybe he’ll leave his wife, maybe he won’t. You have to be prepared you might not get the happy ending you’d hoped for.