Dear Coleen: I want to be with ex but he’s married – and his wife doesn’t know about our child


He can’t wait for us to be a family but I worry about how it will affect my other children

Dear Coleen: I want to be with ex but he's married - and his wife doesn't know about our child

Dear Coleen

I have been married to my for 13 years. However, during that time I got together with my ex and we had a child, although I wasn’t sure who the father was until my son was nine and my took a DNA test.

After my husband discovered he wasn’t our son’s biological father, I told him he should file for a divorce and we are currently separated with the divorce pending.

I also told my ex about our son and he is very excited about this and he can’t wait for us to be a family. My only problem is, he’s now married and hasn’t yet told his wife that he had a child with me.

I him and I want to be with him and our son, but I worry about his family and also the effect on my other children. I am so confused – please can you advise on what I should do?

As for my husband, I think I finally found a way to let him go because we were never in a happy and I want him to find love, too.

Coleen says

Slow down! Your ex says he’s “excited” and “can’t wait” for you all to be a family, and you’re talking as if now the truth is out you can just snap your fingers and live happily ever after. I hate to give you a reality check, but this is a messy situation with real and real emotions at the of it.

Your main problem is not that your ex is married and hasn’t told his wife yet – it’s that you have to closer to home think about how you’re going to explain this to your nine-year-old son.

He will be devastated that the only dad he’s ever known is no longer at home, and you have to think very carefully about how you explain the situation to him so that he doesn’t feel he’s to blame for the break-up of your marriage.

And you cannot expect him to just move in with a complete stranger
and start calling him Dad! If you tell your son, he’s going to need a lot of and support from both you and your husband.

You were right to end your marriage if it was unhappy, but don’t go headlong into a or an affair with your ex. Working with your husband to ensure the wellbeing of your children comes first.

As for your ex, this is real life. Maybe he’ll leave his wife, maybe he won’t. You have to be prepared you might not get the happy ending you’d hoped for.

More of our agony aunt Coleen Nolan’s advice on your sex, family, and relationship problems

Source: Mirror