I’ve been married to my husband for 34 years and we have three grown-up children, the youngest of whom is 23.
My problem is that my husband has become unfeeling towards me. In fact, he largely ignores me and only talks to me when he needs something.
When I was eight months pregnant with my youngest, he had an affair and would frequently leave home and not return for days.
I found evidence of things left behind in the car and his shirts had lipstick and make-upon them.
When I asked about it, he’d deny he was cheating. In the end, I forgave him for the sake of our kids, but it has never been the same.
He treats me like I’m a maid in his house. I work full-time (always have), yet he saves all his wages and I end up paying the bills and for anything that needs to be done to the house.
When we have an argument he tells me to move out. I have tried talking to him and a year ago I did actually move out for three months, only to find out that he’d been texting a mutual friend to go on a date with him. She declined.
He then started acting strangely and wouldn’t get out of bed, so when I went to visit him he talked me into moving back in.
It was the worse decision I’ve ever made, as he was back to his old ways after six weeks, yelling at me and expecting me to do everything.
People simply don’t believe me when I tell them what he’s like because he’s so sociable and nice to everyone else.
First of all, stop caring whether other people believe you or not. You know the truth and that’s all that matters.
I understand that you want his friends to see what a horror he is and yes, it might make you feel better for a short time, but don’t waste your energy on it.
If they choose not to believe you, there’s not much you can do about it.
Secondly, trust your gut instincts and leave him for good this time – don’t let him talk you round again.
You know now that he’s incapable of making a change. And take strength from the fact that you survived for three months without him and this time you can make it permanent.
Don’t be taken in by his pleading or the fact that he lies in bed all day. Remember what he did when you left last time – he asked your mutual friend on a date. He is not a nice person.
Don’t let him spoil your future happiness and trust that what you did before when you left him was the right thing to do.
Getting some professional advice on making a separation legal would also help you feel more in control, and reassure you in terms of dividing your assets.
More of our agony aunt Coleen Nolan’s advice on your sex, family, health and relationship problems