Both he and my mate have apologised but now I’m wondering if they cheated before
A few weeks ago my husband confessed that he’d kissed one of my best friends at a party we were at.
Everyone was drunk that night and going a bit crazy, including me, but I didn’t kiss anyone and never would, however drunk I got.
We’ve been married for five years (together for seven) and I had no idea he was capable of this.
She was crying, embarrassed and very apologetic, and said nothing else happened apart from the kiss. Unless she’s a very good actress, I think she was telling the truth.
I don’t know what I’m going to do about my husband yet – at the moment we’re not talking much and he’s going out of his way to do things for me and prove that he’s sorry.
And my friend is just staying out of my way, which is fine by me. I’m not sure I ever want to see her again.
What’s started to niggle away at me is the idea that they must have fancied each other beforehand, and I’ve even started to wonder if anything happened before this kiss.
Any ideas about what I should do? Thinking about it is driving me mad and I’m just going round in circles.
They’ve betrayed your trust so it’s natural to start thinking about what else might have been going on behind your back. However, the kiss is hurtful enough and we know that happened.
If you decide to stay with your husband then it’s important to get to the root of why it happened because, I agree, I think there’s more to it than just the fact he was drunk.
And if you can’t talk about it honestly together so you can work on whatever issues are there, then I’d strongly recommend you have couple’s therapy.
To me, you seem poles apart – you think there’s nothing wrong in your marriage, have no desire to be with another guy and can’t believe what your husband did.
On the other hand he’s engaging in some very high-risk behaviour by getting together with one of your best friends in a very public setting.
As for your friendship, I’m not sure you can save that – how could you confide in her again or trust her whether you stay with your husband or not?
It must be very hurtful that she was involved, but try to focus on your marriage and deciding how you want to move forward.