Dear Coleen: My girlfriend claims I’m cheating because I talk about girls in my sleep

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Dear Coleen

I have been seeing my partner for about 18 months and things have been blissful – well until the start of this year when she began accusing me of sleeping with other women.

She claimed I was talking in my sleep, saying the names of other women, but I told her it must just be the way I was breathing.

She refused to believe me, so I suggested making a recording while I was asleep and she agreed.

So she bought a dictaphone and placed it in my at night, which I was fine with – after all, I had nothing to hide.

She got several nights’ worth of recordings and the results were devastating – it sounded like I was taking part in a film!

I live alone in a terraced house and there’s no TV, radio or computer in my bedroom, although I do sleep with the window open.

Could this recorder be picking up outside noise? Is it 100% reliable? I simply cannot find an explanation for what is happening, as I’ve been totally faithful to her.

My partner is a lovely person and this revelation has wrecked both our lives – what can I do to convince her that I’m not sleeping with other women?

Coleen says

I think you need to stop blaming the dictaphone – your partner has been in bed with you at night and heard you say these things and you’ve heard on tape.

However, just because you’re saying these things unconsciously, doesn’t mean you’re doing them in real life.

You seem distressed and frustrated by it, but why not work on trying to get to the bottom of it? If I were you, I’d be intrigued about why I was saying these things.

Are you saying the names of past girlfriends? Are you expressing a desire to do things in bed that you don’t feel confident enough to try with your partner?

It might be rooted in fantasies that you’re not confident enough to talk to your partner about.

Look into therapies that might give you the answer – maybe hypnosis could work for you.

As baffled as you are, you can understand her thinking, “Hang on a minute, what’s going on here?”

But maybe if she sees you trying to find out what’s at the root of it, then it’ll reassure her.

More of our agony aunt Coleen Nolan’s advice on your , family, and problems

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