Dear Coleen: My ex has turned nasty and wants to wreck my new relationship

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Dear Coleen

I was with my ex for a time and we have three kids together. He was my first love.

However, things between us got boring. He became lazy and went out drinking all the time. And he’d come from the pub and say nasty things to me. In the end, I fell out of love with him.

Now I’m in a new , which happened quite quickly, but my ex is making things difficult. He tries to turn our nine-year-old son against me and is constantly calling and texting me, threatening to assault my new boyfriend.

The relationship is so new I haven’t even introduced him to my children yet, so I have no idea why my ex is behaving like this.

He claims he’s over me and just wants to see the kids, but when I arrange for that he says he’s too busy. It’s really draining me now and I’m wondering if I should stay , even though this new man makes me .

Coleen says

No. Don’t stay single because that’s what your ex is trying to force you to do. If you haven’t done so, get legal advice about the children.

It would be best to have a framework for visitation which you both have to stick to. That way everyone knows where they stand and there’s a routine for the kids too.

If you can have a calm conversation with him, try to him see that bad mouthing you in front of the children is damaging.

As loving parents, you need to keep them out of it and do all you can to keep their lives as normal as possible. In the meantime, keep every threatening text in case he doesn’t want to be reasonable.

But don’t dump your boyfriend because you can’t be bothered with the hassle. Once your ex has hassled you out of this relationship, he’ll do it with the next guy who comes along.

And make sure that whenever he calls to about the kids, you stay on that subject. If he starts to about anything else, hang up.

Hopefully he will eventually get over the fact you’ve moved on and you’ll be able to have a more civilised connection for the sake of your children.

More of our agony aunt Coleen Nolan’s advice on your , family, health and relationship problems

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