Dear Coleen: My colleagues tease me about my ‘gay’ man-bag


Dear Coleen

I’m a 25-year-old man and I’ve always had a passion for clothes and accessories.

On holiday recently, I bought myself a man-bag thinking it looked stylish. But since being back at work, all the guys have been abusing me about it and they keep referring to my sexuality because I choose to carry one.

The problem is I am gay but I haven’t come out yet and the main culprit for the insults is actually a guy I’ve had a crush on for a long time.

We’ve worked together for many years. We even took up cycling together and every time we’re out for a ride I want to tell him I love him!

But after all the abuse I’ve got over the bag, I think he may reject me.

Help, please!

Coleen says

I’m not condoning their behaviour, but I think your workmates see it as banter and genuinely mean no harm.

Because you haven’t come out, they think you’re straight and they’re winding you up. I don’t think for a minute they’d do it if they knew you were gay.

If you want to come out, then now might be the perfect time to do it. The next time your workmates are having a laugh at your expense, say, “Actually, I am gay”. That’ll shut them up fast!

It sounds like it would be a huge relief and anyone who doesn’t accept it doesn’t deserve your friendship.

However, I wouldn’t declare your love for your colleague. I’m assuming he isn’t gay and, if that’s the case, you’re on a road to nowhere. You’ll end up heartbroken and it might ruin your friendship.

At the least it’ll cause awkwardness and your friend might feel he can’t have a laugh with you any more in case you think he’s leading you on.

There are plenty more great men out there and if you do decide to come out, it’ll widen your options.

* More of our agony aunt Coleen Nolan’s advice on your sex, family, health and relationship problems


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