Dear Coleen: My boyfriend said he’d dump me if my bum got too big

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Dear Coleen

My boyfriend recently told me that if my bum got really huge, I wouldn’t see him for dust. I asked him if he was serious and he said he was joking, but that’s how he feels about big bums.

We’ve been together for a year-and-a-half and are both 50, with failed marriages behind us. We are in and it’s a very good relationship. We don’t live together yet but only because we don’t want to rush things.

To be , he has a habit of saying really insensitive things. For a time he used to preface things with, “if we’re still together”, but he claimed he was just being realistic and that many don’t last.

But he has shown me commitment in many other ways and I never have any doubts until he says this insensitive stuff. We were about someone I know whose bottom has become quite big and that’s when he made the comment.

He says he doesn’t fancy women with big bums but that I shouldn’t worry because it’s unlikely to happen to me.

I’m just upset to know that his feelings would change for me over my body shape. He says I’m making a mountain out of a molehill, so I just don’t know what to think about it. Any ideas?

Coleen says

OK, say you didn’t like tattoos and he asked what you’d do if he covered himself in them. You might reply: “You wouldn’t see me for dust.” It’s unlikely to happen, just like you developing a behind of Kim Kardashian proportions.

It sounds like he says things without putting his brain into gear and sometimes comes across as insensitive. However, I don’t think he meant it to turn into such an issue and he clearly didn’t think you’d take it that seriously.

As for saying, “If we’re still together”, maybe he didn’t want to frighten you off in the early stages of your relationship by talking about the future, especially when both of you have a failed marriage behind you.

If everything else is great and he shows commitment in other ways, then say: “I know you don’t mean to come across as insensitive but sometimes you do, so I’d appreciate it if you thought a bit more before commenting on our relationship or my bum.”

It would be different if your bum was big and you were doing squats to make it bigger. Then you might have an issue.

More of our agony aunt Coleen Nolan’s advice on your sex, family, and relationship problems

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