Dear Coleen: My boyfriend of five years dumped me by text and wont explain why

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Dear Coleen

My boyfriend finished with me two weeks ago by sending me a short text saying he didn’t feel the same any more and wanted to break up. That was it – no more explanation.

I was heartbroken and shocked as well. We’d been together for five years – a pretty time in my book – and although we had our ups and downs like most couples, I didn’t think we were anywhere near the stage of splitting up.

Since then, he’s been ignoring my phone calls and all my messages. I’ve found out through he’s been spotted going for drinks with a colleague, so now I suspect he’d been on me with her for some time.

I want answers. I feel so angry and frustrated that he won’t communicate with me. It’s like I never existed. How can you go out with someone for five years and have so much history together, and then just cut them off with a text message?

How can I get closure and move on?

Coleen says

He’s chosen the coward’s way out and, unfortunately, mobile phones and computers make it much easier for people to avoid doing the right thing and facing the other person.

He doesn’t want to speak to you and see you crying because it’ll make him feel more of a git, which he is.

This way, he doesn’t have to face the devastation he’s caused. But, look, what talking is there to do really? He’s shown his true colours and, as harsh as it sounds, he doesn’t want to be in the relationship any more and has moved on.

What he’s done is terrible, but I think you can find closure without discussing it with him.

He’s not a nice guy to do what he did and you shouldn’t want him back – that’s what you need to keep telling .

He wasn’t the man you thought he was.

And, no matter what you think, you could talk to him until you’re blue in the face, but it won’t hurt any less.

The pain is strong because you were with each other for five years and now it’s over when you didn’t want it to be.

That pain will take some time to go away. As for being angry – that can be motivating.

So use it to spur you on to finding a better partner who deserves you.

* More of our agony aunt Coleen Nolan’s advice on your , family, health and relationship problems

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