Dear Coleen: My boyfriend is like my mother – I have no passion for him at all


Dear Coleen

Two months ago, I started going out with a colleague who I already knew liked me.

At the start I really felt that I would be happy with him. But now I have absolutely no passion for him at all!

He is very kind and quite emotional – he actually reminds me of my mum in personality.

The trouble is, he’s in love with me and I don’t feel the same way. What do I do?

He does everything for me, like a mother would! But, ultimately, I want a husband and not another mum.

Should I be more patient and try to be a bit more like him? I don’t want to break his heart. Please help.

Coleen says

I’m afraid it’s going to break his heart but living a lie would hurt him, too, and it’s not something you’d be able to sustain.

That’s not a happy, fulfilling life for either of you. It’s horrible splitting up with someone who’s in love with you but, in the long run, it’s the best thing to do if you don’t feel the same.

You can’t force yourself to feel something that you don’t feel. You’re looking for a relationship that might lead to marriage and this guy clearly isn’t “the one”.

As you say, there’s no passion and you need that spark and sexual chemistry, as well as other stuff: kindness, respect and so on.

Bite the bullet and let him down gently.

More of our agony aunt Coleen Nolan’s advice on your sex, family, health and relationship problems


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