Dear Coleen: I’m worried about my outbursts at work, at home and in salsa class


Dear Coleen

During a salsa session recently, I became very angry at my dance partner’s clumsy steps and had a huge go at him before “sacking” him on the spot.

The thing is, it gave me such satisfaction and I felt invigorated afterwards.

I’m now worried that breakdowns like this are becoming too frequent and overpowering for me to control.

At work I manage a team of 10 people and love nothing more than exercising power over those who work for me.

I’ve been told my behaviour is unreasonable and irrational, but I’ve never taken these criticisms seriously.

In fact, I usually fire people who disagree with me.

However, my husband has recently told me that he’s finding me increasingly difficult to live with because of my “terrible” mood swings.

I was massively offended and scheduled a time to set him straight.

Things have now become very tense and I am struggling with the idea that he may have a point.

What should I do?

Coleen says

You need to read your letter back and think about the terminology you’re using.

You’re talking about your friends and husband like they’re employees – you “fired” your dance partner and “scheduled time” with your hubby.

Isn’t dancing meant to be fun? Aren’t you supposed to be on your husband’s side? Even he doesn’t meet your tough standards.

Your traits are hard to live with – you’re judgmental and have a very short fuse. You have to look at what could be causing these “breakdowns” as you call them.

I don’t know how old you are, but the menopause could be behind your mood swings or perhaps you’re feeling stressed at work.

This can create a powerful shift in emotions and in the way you interact with people.

Why not see your GP? You might benefit from counselling too.

On the positive side, it obviously bothers you that you’re behaving like this, so I don’t think it’s to do with the fact you’re on a power trip.

But I think your body and mind are telling you to get to the bottom of it.

More of our agony aunt Coleen Nolan’s advice on your sex, family, health and relationship problems


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