Dear Coleen: I'm pregnant and sex is a chore with my selfish husband

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Dear Coleen

I have a three-year-old child and another baby on the way.

I took birth control after I had my first child, but it caused a lot of weight gain as a side effect and my husband refused to wear condoms although he expected me to be protected.

So now I’m pregnant again and I’m sick of sex, as it’s changed my life completely in lots of ways.

At the moment, I can’t even have a day off to relax or sleep well. I make huge sacrifices looking after my son on my own and maintaining our house.

Sex feels like a nuisance in my life, but my husband is very selfish and doesn’t understand. Any advice?

Coleen says

I realise it’s hard to talk about sex, but I think you need to tell him exactly what you’ve told me or show him this letter.

You sound exhausted and he’s being utterly selfish. He’s not helping with childcare or around the home, yet expects you to be a sex goddess in the bedroom.

Be honest and explain that the last thing on your mind right now is sex – it’s simply another chore in your day.

The contraception you choose should be a joint decision – something that works for both of you. You should also talk over alternatives to the pill with your doctor after your baby is born.

In the meantime, you need some TLC and time to yourself. Plan days out with your mum or friends and tell your husband he’s looking after your toddler. If you can, get a night away, too.

Then when he’s ready to listen to you, you can discuss ways of reconnecting as a couple. Until then, sex should be off the table.

More of our agony aunt Coleen Nolan’s advice on your sex, family, health and relationship problems

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