I’ve been with my partner for two and a half years and I’m just days away from giving birth to our first baby together.
He already has a daughter from a previous relationship who I get on really well with.
The problem is her mother – she won’t leave my partner alone. She constantly texts him or sends photographs of their daughter showing every move they make. It’s almost as if she does it to start conversations with him.
Normally, I would let it go, but she’s caused a lot of problems in the past – threatening me, stopping contact with his daughter when she feels like it, accusing him of doing stuff that he hasn’t done.
I understand they need to be in contact about their daughter, but not every day.
I have told my partner on a number of occasions how this makes me feel and tried to be diplomatic about it. I’ve even attempted to get on with his ex for the sake of their daughter, but I am really struggling to accept it, especially as I’m about to have his baby.
Whenever I speak to him about it, he just says he doesn’t see a problem with it and that his ex is only sending photos of their daughter. I’m beginning to think he enjoys her messaging him.
I just can’t stop feeling upset, hurt and annoyed by the level of their contact.
What can I do as nothing I say seems to change his opinion?
What you need to do is keep in mind that she probably wants you to react like this to make you feel insecure.
She wants to cause problems and is doing it under the guise of innocently sending these lovely pictures of their child. She knows what she’s doing – don’t let her win.
However, I think you also need to take a deep breath and step back. You have more important things to focus on – the imminent birth of your first baby.
If it’s just pictures – even if they’re annoyingly frequent and catalogue every second of their daughter’s life, from picking her nose to getting dressed in the morning – say, “They’re beautiful” and move on.
You’re going to be feeling hypersensitive because you’re about to give birth. But remember, you’re the one who’s with him and having his baby.
I think two things will happen when the baby comes along – you’ll be so in love and busy that these photos won’t be such a big issue.
I also think she’ll get bored and the photos will become less frequent. Maybe she’s feeling a bit sensitive too and is worried about her daughter’s relationship with your partner now he has another child on the way.
If there are any problems over access to his daughter, your partner should go down the legal route so everyone knows where they stand. They mustn’t use their daughter as a weapon.
* More of our agony aunt Coleen Nolan’s advice on your sex, family, health and relationship problems