Dear Coleen: I had a fling and now I think her baby may be mine

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Dear Coleen

I’m in such a predicament. A of mine invited his over to see him, and she brought a mate with her.

We all stayed over at my friend’s, had a bit too much to drink and me and this mate ended up having unprotected .

I recently found out she’s 30 weeks’ and that she’s also been in a three-year .

My friend’s girlfriend told him that her mate thinks the father could be “one of two guys”, not including me.

However, I looked at a text from this girl on the night we had sex, along with a social media post announcing she’d discovered she was pregnant three weeks after that night, and did the maths.

This could be mine, but she’s refusing to acknowledge my legitimate (in my opinion) concern.

Initially, she said her period came after we slept together, then said she’s not sure and started to break down.

She’s been giving herself a hard time because of being in a relationship. I suggested we do a paternity test at my expense and now she’s told me to delete her number and blocked me on social media. What can I do?

Surely I’m allowed to do right by the child if the baby is mine?

She started out friendly enough – until I mentioned the paternity test, which is giving me a serious gut feeling that she thinks the baby could be mine.

Coleen says

Once the baby is here, you can go to court and demand a DNA test, but only do it if you’re prepared to step up to the plate and be a father to the child.

If you’re only doing it to prove a point, then you need to realise it’ll blow everything out of the water as far as her relationship goes and her might leave her.

I think you should try to appeal to her through your friend’s girlfriend. Let her know that all you want to do is find out if the baby is yours or not, and you’re prepared to do that quietly and keep it between the two of you.

Then, if the baby isn’t yours, nobody knows and nobody’s hurt.

But if it is yours, then she has some decisions to make about what she tells her boyfriend, and you have a right to be involved.

I think when given the option to do the paternity test privately or make it public by going to court, I’m sure she’ll make the first choice.

The thing is, she’s fooling herself if she thinks ignoring it is the best option. She will always wonder if the child is yours or her boyfriend’s and the truth might come out at a later date.

It’s not fair on the child in the run either.

More of our agony aunt Coleen Nolan’s advice on your sex, family, and relationship problems

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