Dear Coleen: I feel like my parents are sidelining me now I’ve come out as gay


Dear Coleen

I am one of four boys and come from a tight-knit family. I have always got on really well with all three of my older brothers, but they come first with my parents.

It has always been like that, but it has got worse since I came out as gay.

My brothers can be so rude to my parents, but they just laugh it off. If I were to do the same, they would go mad. I am labelled the one who is “away with the fairies” and I’m always being told to “be quiet”.

I am a bubbly, outgoing and quite feisty person, and my family feel embarrassed by me. I hate feeling sidelined. What do I do?

Have your say in the comments below

Coleen says

Well done on coming out – it’s not an easy thing to do.

Look, you shouldn’t have to change your whole personality to fit in with other people, especially now you’ve come out and want to be true to yourself.

However, as we go through life, I think it’s normal to adapt to different people and situations.

With good friends you can pretty much do and say as you please, but we generally don’t behave like that with our parents. And sometimes we have to respect people’s feelings.

It works the other way too. I’ve been known to embarrass my kids (ahem). I’ll give you an example, I’m quite prone to the slut drop – you know that Rihanna dance move where you drop down and come back up with your bum? YouTube it.

My boys are at the age where they find it hilarious, but my daughter is 15 and she was very embarrassed, and asked me not to do it again. I’m brilliant at it, but I’ll respect her feelings.

Your family loves you for who you are and it’s great that you’re different to your brothers. Just because they find you loud doesn’t mean they don’t adore you.

If it’s getting to you, talk it out.

More of our agony aunt Coleen Nolan’s advice on your sex, family, health and relationship problems


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