Dear Coleen: I called her names when I was angry and it’s ruined things between us

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Dear Coleen

I’m having some troubles with my long-distance relationship. My girlfriend and I have been together for almost seven months but recently things have gone from bad to worse.

I can’t seem to control the stress and anger I feel over all the little things to do with our relationship that build up. And this makes me feel like there’s something mentally wrong with me.

I accidentally took it out on her the other day, calling her really disgusting and horrible names and I now think it’s destroyed our relationship.

We’re still together because I begged her and promised I would change my life and my attitude but she doesn’t seem happy – it’s as if she doesn’t want to try with me any more. I feel totally devastated.

She say’s that she still loves me the same and that she really wants to be with me but I think those are just empty words. It just doesn’t feel the same with her.

I don’t have much spare cash at the moment, so I can’t even see her regularly to try to patch things up.

What do I do? I need advice!

Coleen says

You’re clearly frustrated and insecure because you’re not together, which is why you’ve lashed out. But only you have the power to sort out those feelings – you have to help yourself.

Long-distance relationships can work but you have to feel secure with each other and trust each other.

She might still love you but can’t be bothered with the hassle if you’re flipping out all the time and calling her all sorts!

You have to ask yourself honestly if you can really deal with the separation.

If you’re struggling after a few months, it’s not a good sign for maintaining it long term.

I know it’s heartbreaking to think about splitting up but listen to the logic in your head and think about whether it’s going to work for either of you.

If you want to make a go of it, you have to stop being paranoid and giving her a hard time.

Stop pre-empting things that haven’t happened. Yes, she could meet someone else but that could happen if you lived on the same street.

Yes, you’ll be upset but you’ll get over it and move on, hopefully to a relationship that’s less complicated.

* More of our agony aunt Coleen Nolan’s advice on your sex, family, health and relationship problems

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