The Mirror’s resident agony aunt Coleen Nolan helps a woman whose husband has shut her out and stopped looking after himself – causing her to feel tempted to stray away…
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I’m a 29-year-old woman and I’ve been married for two years. I do love my husband, but over the past year he’s changed a lot.
He’s kind of gone to seed – he’s stopped caring about his appearance and he drinks too much, and things have got even worse during lockdown. It’s like he’s given up entirely.
We’ve basically been keeping out of each other’s way because if I bring it up he just says I’m nagging him and to give him a break.
I started messaging an ex-boyfriend – I suppose it was just escapism and my husband had just shut me out.
Things got quite flirty between the pair of us, and he’s even mentioned us getting together.
Our resident agony aunt, Coleen Nolan
I know this wouldn’t be right – especially as he also has a partner – but I’m really tempted.
I feel really unhappy and can’t work out how my husband and I got to this point.
We don’t have sex either and it’s just miserable.
I feel guilty being in touch with this other guy, but I don’t know what to do for the best.
Relationships can be hard – but you have to work on them (stock image)
Can you help?
I don’t think avoiding your hubby is going to help you work out your problems or make a decision.
Stop messaging your ex and focus on what you’re going to do about your marriage – this other guy is just a distraction and I don’t think you will focus on the issues at home while you’re involved in these flirty text exchanges.
You need to thrash things out with your husband and ask him if he wants to save your marriage.
He sounds very unhappy, too, if he’s shut you out, is drinking too much and isn’t bothered about taking care of himself.
You have to encourage him to open up about why he’s feeling low rather than lapsing into criticism.
I wonder why things have changed so dramatically when you only married two years ago? I presume you were happy and close when you tied the knot?
I don’t think it’s wise to make life-changing decisions after being in lockdown for three months.
It’s been a strange and difficult time, and any issues are bound to feel so much more intense when you’re under this kind of stress.
If you love him, of course it’s worth trying to repair the relationship and also to have counselling to work through your issues.
But if you don’t confront it, you will leave yourself vulnerable to affairs and you could limp through your marriage for the next few years, feeling trapped and miserable.