They say treat ’em mean, keep ’em keen – but how cool can you really play it without giving off the wrong signals – and turning your potential love off completely?
When you first enter the world of dating – you want to play your cards right. Firstly, you don’t want to look desperate, make the first move or initiate the first kiss. But, at the same time, you want to let your date know you are interested – and aren’t trying to shut them down.
If you’re new to the relationships scene and aren’t sure exactly where these limits lie, we’ve teamed up with dating website eHarmony to deliver some top tips on how to keep your date keen without giving off the wrong signals completely.
1. A waiting game
An eHarmony poll of 1,000 singletons found that being stand-offish is no longer enticing, with only 4% agreeing you should wait before replying to a message.
Whilst it may seem cool to keep your lover waiting, a week is far too long – and can easily be misconstrued as ‘I’m not interested’.
If you’re genuinely too busy to talk, now may be the wrong time to start a relationship. And, if you’re playing the waiting game just to sound cool, watch out, it may just backfire on you.
2. Less is more
There’s nothing worse than a vain date – or one with verbal diarrhoea.
Less really is more, so spend time drip feeding information as you go on dates – and try and get some insight into their perspective too.
Oversharing is not necessarily bad, but can be a deal breaker if you start to discuss past relationships or other people you might be dating.
If you have to share details about your ex (perhaps in the case of children) then keep it light, positive and brief.
During the honeymoon period, it is best to talk about your work and interests interspersed with a few intriguing facts but hold back on the meatier information until you get to know one another better.
3. Are you trying to make me jealous?
Flirting with another person in front of your date is often perceived as creating competition – and you’d expect the reflex of your date to be to try harder or speed up the relationship game.
But, it can also be misconstrued as you’re a game player that can’t be trusted and are not ready for a relationship.
Instead of playing these dangerous games, work on being the extraordinary catch that your date just can’t get enough of because people are attracted to the way you make them feel rather than purely physical looks.
4. You didn’t…
They say that to play it cool you must not discuss your feelings too openly as it’ll portray you as weak and vulnerable to your potential lover.
As a play cool tactic this sounds like it makes sense. However, it makes more sense to know what you want out of any relationship no matter who the person is. If you’re after something serious, make this clear from the first instance – it’ll also help you get rid of anyone who is after a quick fling or a one night stand.
Any relationship, whether it is new or many years in the making, needs good foundations. Honesty, trust, respect, integrity and love all make a strong basis for a successful relationship and none of those characteristics require you to play it cool.
Put your skills to the test
To help you on your quest for love, we’ve teamed up with relationship website eHarmony to offer a discount for Mirror readers.
Get 12-months for £9.95 per month when you register online at eHarmony with discount code LOVEMIRROR.