Ideas about sex are highly subjective—some people get squeamish even saying the word, while others will shout their escapes from the rooftops—but one thing’s for sure: There are plenty of false notions about what constitutes a “healthy” sex life that aren’t even remotely true—and can create unrealistic expectations.
Here, we’ve broken down 7 sex myths that need to be busted, stat.
1. People in a healthy relationship have sex constantly (and it’s always amazing!)
Laughing yet? This is certainly a sex myth, as most people in relationships aren’t jumping into bed every single chance they get. In fact, most experts agree the key to better intimacy is working together to figure out a frequency that’s right for you, instead of looking to dime-a-dozen studies that claim most married couples are going at it anywhere from two to four times a week.
“My ideal is to have a couple talk frankly about how much they’d like to be intimate, and negotiate how and when they could make that happen,” certified sex therapist Sari Cooper told Brides. The number you come up with in a discussion with your spouse is the right number for you.”
2. Sex always leads to orgasm for women.
#LOL. Women are familiar with this sex myth, so take note, guys: Intercourse alone typically does not lead to orgasm. Only 30 percent of women reach orgasm from sex. The rest need added clitoral stimulation.
3. Men think about sex every seven seconds.
Wouldn’t shock us, but it’s not exactly the case. A 2011 Ohio University study found they think about it an average of 18 times a day. For young women, it’s an average of 10 times.
4. Only men have ‘wet dreams’
While it’s more common to hear about dudes having orgasms during their dreams, women have them too. In a 1986 study of college students, 37 percent of women reported having had a nocturnal orgasm.
5. Sex is better than going to the gym
Nope, sorry: While sex does burn calories, it doesn’t burn as many as you think. In fact, according to WebMD, a 30-minute romp can burn around of 85 to 100 calories.
6. Tantric sex mean you can orgasm for hours.
Uh, forget everything Sting‘s ever said: Orgasms can only last a number of seconds, even with tantra.
“That doesn’t mean there aren’t ways to experience euphoric feelings similar to the feelings one experiences during orgasm, but that doesn’t make it an orgasm,” Dr. Debby Herbenick, research scientist at Indiana University, sexual educator at The Kinsey Institute, and author told Lifehacker. “And that’s okay! Tantric sex practices provide people with new ways to have sex, to connect, and to feel closer to other people.”
7. Sex gets worse as you age.
Getting busy when you’re young may be faster, but the majority of sexually active older adults report having the more satisfying sex as they age.
“There’s less emphasis on quick orgasms and more focus on sensuality, creativity, and emotional connection,” sexuality education consultant Melanie Davis, Ph.D, CSE told Men’s Health.