Sure, you may have heard of pegging from a certain episode of Broad City, but what’s it really like to play the role of penetrator as a woman? Here, three anonymous women get real about pegging — a dynamic-flipping sex act in which a woman has anal sex with a man via a strap-on dildo.
Have you tried pegging with a serious partner or in a casual relationship (or both)?
Woman A: Only with serious partners who were very into it already. I wouldn’t be averse to doing it casually; however, both of my partners (who were, once again, really into it) waited until we were very close to bring it up out of shyness or embarrassment.
Woman B: I’ve only done it once. It was with a serious partner — we’d been dating for six months.
Woman C: I’ve tried pegging with my husband. He’s definitely a serious partner. I’d also be open to trying it with casual relationships. We’re poly and sometimes we play with others.
Woman D: I’ve pegged my long-term partner, my husband of 11 years.
What tools or toys did you use?
Woman A: I used a strap-on with both partners I’ve pegged with and enough lube to drown a horse. Both strap-ons were softer silicone models but one had a vibe that also pleasured the wearer.
Woman B: Just a really smooth, plain dildo.
Woman C: I used a Joque harness, which I love because the size range is really forgiving. It fits my large hips nicely. We used a slim silicone dildo and of course, lots of water-based lube. Our preference is Sliquid Sea but there are many that work.
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Woman D: It’s important for the person being penetrated to be warmed up, so we started with me using my fingers with black nitrile gloves on. Gloves are great because they make clean up easy and protects my partner from my nails. When he was ready we moved on to using a small butt plug to continue getting him warmed up, like the Fun Factory Bootie Small Anal Plug (it’s important to only use toys with a flared base on them for safety). Once he was warmed up, I wore the SpareParts Joque harness, which I found to be really comfortable, and the Vixen Creations Mistress dildo. Oh and lube—lots of lube. I personally love Sliquid’s waterbased and hybrid lubes for pretty much anything, but a thicker lube is usually a good choice for butt play.
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Shop Now Bootie Plug, FUN FACTORY (Available on Amazon), $35
Shop Now Joque Harness, SPARE PARTS (Available on Amazon), $115
Shop Now Mistress Vibe Dildo, VIXEN CREATIONS (Available on Amazon), $39
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And whose idea was it — yours or theirs? What made you want to try it?
Woman A: It was my partner’s idea the first time. He’d done it before, loved it, and once we got serious, he asked me to give it a try. The second partner had to be prompted a little on my part.
Woman B: His. We were also a bit drunk at the time and I had asked him what he wanted to do. He told me he wanted to “get a bit crazy” and then he suggested I penetrate him with a dildo.
Woman C: I don’t even know whose idea it was. We have both worn anal plugs during intercourse and he’s not squeamish about butt play. He doesn’t have the sexual hangups that some guys seem to have about it, which I appreciate. I think this particular night, I asked if he wanted to try it and he said yes, especially since we’d just bought the harness.
Woman D: It was an idea we’d both mentioned at different times, so I think it was pretty mutual. I was curious what it would be like to be the one doing the penetration and he was curious about what it would feel like.
What did you do to prepare?
Woman A: I researched everything there was to know about anal. I was determined to go into the situation really prepared. Then I went out and bought, like, a gallon of lube and a strap-on that suited me. But seriously. Lube.
Woman B: Just lube. It was an extremely smooth, small dildo. It was the size of, like, maybe two tampons together, or maybe even only one. It wasn’t that big.
Woman C: Took our time! Regular foreplay, lots of stimulation, fingering to loosen things up. It was important that he was really turned on beforehand.
Woman D: Lots of warm up before actually using pegging him so that it would be comfortable and fun for both of us, but prior to any play he showered and used the bathroom, which I think helped him feel more comfortable.
Were there any challenges once you got going?
Woman A: Height difference? Being a foot shorter than someone you are trying to screw is a little more awkward than when those measurements are reversed. Solution: Bend them over something.
Woman B: No, not at all. I don’t even know if we did it the right way or anything. It was super spur of the moment.
Woman C: Finding a good angle was difficult! It was hard to align our hips properly. We ended up trying a few different positions. Because the dildo isn’t my body, I couldn’t feel what I was doing without a hand down there; I couldn’t tell if I was actually penetrating or just bumping awkwardly around near his ass.
Woman D: We had to try out different positions because there’s a pretty significant height difference between us, so it was just a matter of figuring out what worked best. We found that him laying on his side with his knees bent with me kneeling with the front of my thighs against the back of his worked really well. In that position, the height difference wasn’t an issue and I liked that we could still look at each other, which I enjoy in general but also helped me pick up on any non-verbal cues about how he was feeling. While it wasn’t a challenge, I also found that since we were trying something new and I couldn’t feel what the dildo was feeling there was also the need for a lot of verbal communication about what liked or didn’t like.
Who enjoyed it more — you or your partner?
Woman A: Hard to say, to be honest. I think it was probably more physically pleasurable for my partners, who were experienced at it and knew exactly what they needed to do to make it a great romp. At least the first time.
Woman B: I thought it was fun and interesting, but I think he liked it more. He was the one who requested it, and I was like, “Oh, OK, sure.” So we did it, and then post-sex — pegging, vaginal, everything — he turned to me and asked, “Was that weird, how much I liked that?”
Woman C: I don’t know. We don’t keep “score” when it comes to sex. In good sex, everybody wins! I had fun and he came. The goal wasn’t for me to orgasm from pegging him; that would have required some additional equipment or stimulation and this was about him. I got mine afterward … so we both had a good time!
Woman D: We both really liked it, but for different reasons. He enjoyed the sensations and the way it felt, and I enjoyed the role reversal and it was incredibly sexy to be able to watch how much he was enjoying it.
What did you like most about pegging?
Woman A: Pegging is great because it puts you in a role you’re not really used to being in as a woman. There are aspects of dominance, power, intimacy, and strength that I don’t think we get to experience in quite the same wordless way when it comes to vanilla sex.
Woman B: It was nice to have control. And it was really interesting to see how much he liked it. It kind of took me aback, like, Wow, he really likes that. We never did it again though, interestingly.
Woman C: I’m always excited about trying something new. I liked giving him the opportunity to try something he’d been wanting to try, and it’s fun to play with sex toys, so that was an equal benefit.
Woman D: Every time I did something he liked I could feel all of his muscles squeezing around me. It was really intimate and sexy. My absolute favorite part of it was just watching him enjoy himself, especially because I found it to be a huge turn on that he’s so comfortable with his body despite all the negativity and shame around straight men enjoying anal stimulation.
What was it like playing the role of the penetrator?
Woman A: Pretty great. Having a guy underneath you, with the gasping and groaning, is spectacular. It’s a very energetic act too. You’re constantly moving. You also have a lot of control over what your partner is feeling and that’s fun.
Woman B: I liked it. It was very different. I had total control, and he was lying on his stomach, so he wasn’t making eye contact with me. I found it exhilarating in a different way than just regular sex, being in charge of someone else’s pleasure.
Woman C: Mostly there were technical issues to work out: how to get the right angle, how to move, how to control speed and depth. Psychologically, I try not to get wrapped up in the “penetrator as person with power” dynamic. I think it harms most relationships to do so. It erases female-female relationships and weirdly skews people’s view of male-male, with focus on who’s pitching and who’s catching. It also keeps men from being willing to try being penetrated because they associate it with weakness. Personally, being the one in the role of penetrator was new, and fun, and something I wouldn’t mind doing again.
Woman D: Fun and more empowering than I expected it to be. I really enjoyed the role reversal and finding new ways to make my partner feel good.
Is pegging a regular part of your sex life now?
Woman A: No. I’m with a different partner now who isn’t into it.
Woman B: No. We had really good sex no matter what so this was just a one-off thing we did that was great too. But I think I would do it again. In hindsight, I would have prepared a bit more and known what to do, especially with clean-up and stuff.
Woman C: Alas, no. We’ve only done it the one time. Not because it wasn’t enjoyable, but just because there’s equipment and prep involved, and it’s not something he’s always in the mood for.
Woman D: Yes and no, we go through phases of what we’re both in the mood for, so sometimes it’s more a part of our day-to-day sex life than others.
Do you have any advice for others who might want to try pegging? Or whose partners want to try it?
Woman A: I’ve already said this but lube, lube, lube, lube, lube. Butts do not self-lubricate at all. How much lube do you have? Does it look like enough? Yes? You still need more lube. Not using enough lube leads to unpleasant experiences at best and serious injury at worst. Spring for the strap-on with the vibe. Worth it. If your partner has never had anal sex/hasn’t done it for a while, go slow, it might hurt a little.
Woman B: I think first order of business is a little bit of nonpenetrative ass play.
Woman C: Go for it. Don’t get hung up in what it means for your gender or sexual identity. It’s an area loaded with nerve endings. It’s fun to stimulate. Read up, practice with fingers first, and be willing to give it a shot!
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Woman D: Communicate with each other, both before and during. Go slowly, make sure your partner is warmed up and really comfortable before trying more fingers or a bigger toy, and use a lot of lube—more lube is always better for any anal play.