According to “experts”, anal sex is one of the things men love that women just don’t understand. Well, guys love the booty and they love doin’ the butt even more than chicken wings, gadgets, and boobies combined! Now I don’t want to seem uptight, I know it’s perfectly safe and, in some cases, really effective. But personally, I’ve already been schooled in anal and although I flunked the final exam, I refuse to retake the class again, if you know what I mean. So, here’s how I’ve gotten out of doing that kind of homework over the years with my 4 Excuses To Get Out Of Anal Sex:
1. I have a birth defect. This one is my infallible favorite. How’s he going to question a medical problem in your tush? Most guys won’t ask for all the gory details because it sounds like a whole mess of TMI. Although, if you’re dating a doctor, you may want to go with #’s 2-7 (especially #6).
2. I just ate Indian food. “Sorry baby, I ate some Vepam-Poo Rasam for lunch.” Poo is friggin’ in the name—nuff said!
3. I’m uh, a little backed-up. (Read: constipated.) Okay, so I know you’re never suppoed to tell a dude you’re constipated, but desperate times call for desperate measures! It should get you out of stuffing more back there.
4. I only do anal on very special occassions. Reserving anal as a special once a year experience can make it more exciting… Okay, and it really helps you avoid it the other 364 days a year. We all get to do what we want on our birthdays, so that feels like a natural time to let him go crazy on your caboose. And hey, when your birthday rolls around, maybe you can return the favor.