A little awkwardness over morning coffee is the least of your worries when it comes to hooking up with a roommate. Turns out, things can go from mind-blowingly sexy to “I am calling my movers right this moment” pretty quickly. Here, 11 people confess what it’s really like to share a bed with someone who also shares your address.
1. I hooked up with a roommate for around six months—we also lived with his brother and his brother’s fiancée, who were my best friends. We would hook up, then not speak to each other for weeks. Then we’d become friends again and then hook up… again. It took me around eight months to finally break the cycle and just start looking for another place. I ended up moving to another state for a job, and we haven’t spoken to him since.” —Micha, 22
2. “I lived with this girl that I had known for a few months. We met through mutual friends and both needed roommates so I thought, why not! Anyway, one night after moving in, we went out to a bar one night, and met this gorgeous gorgeous guy, and we both really hit it off with him and took him back to our place. We had a really hot threesome and went on for hours. When he finished, she and I kept going. We just couldn’t stop! The connection was so intense and she just knew exactly what I wanted. We still live together and hook up all the time. We definitely aren’t in a relationship, but we have a sweet “sex only” thing happening.” —Maya, 24
3. “It was my first year of college and I was moving in with three boys, two which I already knew, and another unknown hottie. For our first weekend as roommates we all decided to have some drinks and go to the bar. Once we got back home everyone went to sleep except for me and the hot roommate. Sure enough, we ended up getting a little freaky together. I woke up in the morning in his bed, gathered all my clothes and ran into my own room. We were so awkward together for the remainder of the year, you could always feel sexual tension between us. As soon as I moved out, we started hooking up regularly! I have no regrets but you can rest assured I don’t plan to hook up with any more of my roommates ever again.” —Chelsea, 21
4. “I moved in with two guys, one gay and one straight (who I found especially cute). For a solid month nothing happened until we had people over. After a few drinks the truth came out that we were both interested in each other. That night he slipped a heartfelt letter under my door about how we should give it a shot. I had some serious doubts it would work and not be a hot mess, but I went with my instinct that we would be okay. We tried it out and thankfully had no problem adjusting. Two and a half years later, and we’re still happily living together (by ourselves this time) AND dating!” —Bree, 25
5. “I had moved into a two bedroom apartment in Boston last summer after graduating college. The tenant in the next bedroom was a few years older; he was in medical school. We had chemistry from the beginning, but often just lived our own lives. When I began to stay home more often, the two of us spent more and more time together. From cooking dinner to even cleaning together, we became friends quickly. The first night we had sex was truly unexpected. I was back from work, ready to shower and head to bed, but I noticed he was stressed. Talking through what had been going on in our lives turned into him leading me to his bedroom. We slept together that first night, and several times after. We never established anything because he made it clear that his focus was on medical school, so sex was all he wanted. I moved out four months later. It was great sex and a fun time, but I knew I was developing feelings he couldn’t reciprocate. I wasn’t comfortable being used anymore. Sleeping together never ruined our living situation, but I had to take myself out before it got too deep.” —Arden, 23
6. “I moved to another country with a few friends and we moved in with a guy who was from that country. I thought he was attractive the moment I met him but didn’t foresee anything happening. A few days after we moved in, we were all watching a movie together as flatmates. He and I began rubbing feet under the blankets. After the two others went to bed, the foot touching changed to a steamy make out, leading to his bedroom. I decided to cool it because I was worried about how the others in the house would feel. However, after a few beers a couple of nights later he and I were back in bed. One of our housemates walked in on us and was extremely angry. We continued to secretly hook up, although everyone in the house was aware and unhappy about it. He later cut it off for a bit. A few months later, he and I were getting along well as friends. Late one night he told me he still had feelings for me and wanted to try again. I was scared about getting played but admitted I had feelings for him still as well. We agreed to be honest with one another and started dating again. We’ve been officially together for about a month now. Everyone in the house is happy with our relationship, too, which is nice.” —Cayden, 23
7. “In my senior year of college, I lived with one guy (Sam*) and two other girls. Sam and I had always been extremely flirtatious with each other and he was very touchy when we were out in public. I always thought there was sexual tension but I was nervous that it would make things weird between the other roommates. One night we were really drunk and Sam and I had sex. It was really great and I thought that we could be something. He checked off all the boxes I had for a perfect boyfriend until one day when I came home from class early. Sam was in our living room hooking up with our mutual, openly gay friend Thomas*. I was astonished! In the end, I was happy for him and the fact that he was able to be comfortable being himself. I was also happy I got some closure and could move on to bigger and better things.” —Emily, 24
8. I hooked up with my roommate over the course of about a year while living together and it was pretty great at times, but overall it made me an emotional wreck. At first, we used being drunk on a Saturday night as our excuse, but then I started to really care for him, and I thought he card for me too. After that it all went downhill. I tried to be the cool girl who was super chill with him going out on other dates. I would even listen to his post-date recaps, nodding and smiling like a supportive friend who has definitely seen him naked. One time he told me about a date that was turning into a dud and that all he could think about was how he wished he were hanging out with me—that time I genuinely smiled. These tiny moments made me happy but then there are the sad ones, like when it’s Friday night and I would hear him getting ready to go out with his friends without me. I would pray that he didn’t bring a girl home. A few months into hooking up he told me he wanted to end things between us. We were at a bar with our other roommate and while Justin Bieber played over the sound system he told me this—whatever “this” was—wasn’t working out. It’s upsetting when someone rejects you, but it’s even more upsetting when it’s your roommate and you have to share an Uber back to the apartment where you live together in bedrooms right next to each other. “—Kelly, 26
9. “The first time my roommate and I hooked up it was very clear at the start of the night it was finally going to happen. (I say finally because we’re both attractive people who have seen each other walk around the place in our underwear). So he comes home literally with a bottle of tequila in his right hand and a look of disbelief on his face. He and his girlfriend broke up. I was also going through a rough break up from a five year relationship, so of course sorrow mixed with a little curiosity and a lot of tequila landed us on the couch at 4:00 am making out and hitting second base like some high school kids getting hot and heavy while mom and dad are asleep upstairs. Well now, six months later we still live together. Sleep together. Eat together. The force between us is still as strong as it was the day he moved in and I hope it never goes away.” —Bri, 21
10. “My roommate and I were absolute best friends, basically inseparable. About a year into living together we both started dropping hints that we may be attracted to each other, but neither of us wanted to make a move. I wasn’t out as bisexual at the time, and she didn’t want to come off as ‘the lesbian who always wants their best friend’ and both of us also had a solid fear of ruining our friendship. Then, one night after quite a bit of liquid courage and watching The Notebook, she made her move. She looked me in the eye and asked ‘If I did would you?’ I was terrified of jeopardizing our friendship and replied ‘I shouldn’t’ but she looked at me and said ‘that’s not what I asked.’ And after that it was like we were magnets, leaping at each other and making out with such a fury that it was truly magic. The next couple weeks following were an awkward clusterf*ck of ‘what do I want?’ and ‘what does she want?’” thoughts. She was my first female hookup and I wasn’t even sure if a relationship was what I wanted, but there was something about our makeout that made me want more. After a lot of awkwardness and another drunken makeout, we finally decided to go all in.” —Jay, 20
11. “I was working abroad in a party destination and I was sharing this worker’s accommodation with a boy who, on the third night of being there, I ended up sleeping with. This went on most nights for about three weeks, when one night I came home to find another girl in his bed. I was pretty upset about it and didn’t know how to go about living with him. After a month or so of awkwardness I eventually found somewhere else to stay. Safe to say I fell in love with him but I’ve not spoken to him since moving out.” —Ellie, 19
These confessions have been lightly edited for clarity.