An incredible climax is everyone’s goal, but for some couples, multiples sound like the stuff of fantasy.
But how obtainable are those elusive multiple orgasms? Can you learn to give them to your partner, and also achieve them yourself? “Not to be the bearer of bad news but there are no special tricks or secret buttons to encourage a multiple orgasmic experience that remains consistent from person to person. Ideally we would like a manual or a book of instructions but you are most likely to find yourself disappointed when trying to use them from one person to another as everyone’s physical, emotional, and mental bodies are different. Unfortunately, you can’t have one without the other,” says Dr. Yvonka, a clinical sexologist with Jasmine.com.
It takes attention to detail, vulnerability, open mindedness, willingness to experiment, knowing your own body, and passion to elicit those responses. “The experiences of multiple orgasms are different for men and women on a biological standpoint in that for men it is uncommon. Not impossible, but uncommon. Men need the refractory period wherein after their bodies need to recoup prior to being able to climax again. Women however, well we just simply get to have all the fun!” Dr. Yvonka.
But even though it’s easier for a woman to have a multiple orgasm than for a man, it requires some practice and forethought to get there, giving or getting, for all of us!
For men to achieve multiple orgasms themselves takes practice, says Stephen Silver, co-founder and CEO of Honest Pick-Up. “You can practice when you’re masturbating to keep going after you bust, or to try to have a quick turnaround in between. You can stay hard yourself with practice, or if you’re comfortable enough with your partner….just ask them to help keep you hard after your first orgasm,” says Silver. This will get easier each and every time, says Silver, and will build rapport between you and your partner.c
Build Up the Sexual Tension
For women, orgasm builds from arousal (not the other way around) so if you really want to prime her for immense sexual pleasure, you need to start early. “I always say that foreplay begins after the last O, which means you should be laying the groundwork long before you reach the bedroom. And the best place to start is with her largest sex organ: her mind!” says Dr. Emily Morse, a sexologist, host of the Sex With Emily podcast and author of Hot Sex: Over 200 Things You Can Try Tonight.
If you know that multiple Os are on the menu for the evening, start things up early with a teasing text or two. “Let your partner know how badly you want her and text her exactly what’s on your mind. When you both get home, turn up the PDA and shower her with touches and affection. By the time you get to the bedroom, she is already reared up and ready for pleasure,” says Dr. Morse.
Know Your Body
The most important first step of getting to a multiple-orgasm experience is to know your own body, says Dr. Yvonka. “You have to know your limits, your likes, and your dislikes and this can only be done one true way — lots and lots of masturbation. The second step is being able to communicate them. If you allow yourself to have a bad experience during sex, it could put you off entirely for the whole experience, which at that point you can almost forget about it,” says Dr. Yvonka.
“Something to keep in mind is that because men have the biological aspect working against them when it comes to multiple orgasms, the components above are more very important. Because women are driven by emotional and mental connection, the above aspects are very important as well. However, for women, their bodies can achieve multiple orgasms even when they may not be searching for it or ready for it. I can guarantee though that without some of the components above that it will be next to impossible with those mythical creatures,” says Dr. Yvonka.
Part of learning our limits and likes is being experimental and open, says Dr. Yvonka. “If the other person communicates what they like, don’t criticize, or judge or assume they are weird just because you haven’t experienced it before. Be willing to try something at least once, if it doesn’t work then OK… But you may be pleasantly surprised. If you know it’s a hard limit for you then don’t try it for sure because the experience will most certainly backfire,” Dr. Yvonka says. This means remaining present and pay attention to detail. “Focus on your senses, the touch, the smell, the feeling, anything that keeps you in the moment. That will elicit passionand chemistry, which is almost guaranteed to give you an all night tryst leading to a variety of experiences,” says Dr. Yvonka.
Since the brain is the biggest sex organ, it makes sense that a lot of the work behind multiple Os should take place above the belt. “It’s common for women to get trapped in their heads when trying something new, which seriously hinders the pleasure process. The trick is to help your partner stay connected to her body both mentally and physically, even after the first orgasm. If she becomes overwhelmed or frustrated during the process, her body is likely to shut down for more business, but you can help her break through,” says Morse.
Help her remain present by keeping her focused on the sensations she’s feeling. “If you notice that she seems distracted, give her a deep, sensual kiss to bring her back or ask her a question related to what you are doing in the moment. Remind her that you’re both here together and don’t allow those pesky thoughts to interrupt her experience,” says Morse.
One of the most important things she can do to stay present is to pay attention to her breath, in and out. Repeat. “Breathing is a great tool for you, too — it helps to relax the body and expand both of your pleasure potential. Deep breaths also flood your body with oxygen so your nervous system can do its job, increasing the amount of pleasure your brain can process,” says Morse. “Practice taking some deep synchronized breaths together during foreplay or during sex itself, keeping in rhythm with your movements. It may seem a little new-agey, but trust me. Nothing helps you slow down and get on the same page like some meditative breaths!” says Morse.
The clitoris is the focal point of female arousal and the more you learn your way around her key pleasure point, the more likely you are to bring her multiple orgasms. “Take some time to explore the area for yourself before you dive in, and remember to always go five times slower than you think you should — it may look like a button just waiting to be pushed, but the clitoris is actually very sensitive, and the more aroused your partner gets, the more sensitive she will become,” says Morse.
The best way to start pleasuring the clitoris is to massage the area around it, says Morse. Using your index and middle finger, massage slow circles around her clitoris, gradually making the circles tighter and tighter until you’re slow sexy circles are focused on it. To mix things up, you can also try using diagonal or side-to-side strokes. Just remember that the key to climax is steady stimulation, so be sure to keep the rhythm and deliver steady strokes. Experiment with varying speed and pressures, using her body’s reactions to guide you. If she starts breathing heavily, moans or seems to wiggle her body closer to you, you’re doing it right!
Know When to Pull Back
“Much like men, women also experience a slight refractory period directly after their first or second orgasm in which they need a few minutes to regroup,” says Morse. This doesn’t mean that you should back off entirely, but you should probably reduce the direct clitoral stimulation until she becomes less sensitive there. “While you’re waiting, explore new techniques for stimulating her through indirect touch, rubbing the area around the clitoris, massaging her thighs and her breasts as well. Prime her mind for more O’s by whispering in her ear with some sensual dirty talk. The goal is to keep her in a semi-aroused state, so make sure that you are still touching her and that she is still connected with her body throughout,” says Morse.
Feel The Vibe
“Just like any massage, it’s important to keep a little variety during clitoral stimulation so the area does not become overstimulated or numb. A sex toy can definitely come in handy here when you’re going for multiples, especially when mixed in with manual and oral play. Including a small clitoral vibrator like the We-Vibe Touch can help to mix up sensations, while still providing direct and steady stimulation. Have her use the toy on herself first to demonstrate the preferred pressure and motions, then work it into your repertoire,” says Morse. If you’ve been using a vibrator for the whole shebang, be sure to crank it down after she has her first orgasm and then slowly raise the levels again as you build up to number 2 and beyond. “You can also use the vibrator to lightly trace over her nipples, her pelvic mound and all over her body to find out what other areas respond to vibrations, until she’s ready to go again,” says Morse.
Patience not only a virtue, it’ll also be her ticket to Multiple O Land (and your ticket to getting her there). “Believe it or not, the more you focus on the orgasm itself, the less likely it is to happen, so keep the pressure off the O’s and enjoy the act together. After all, it’s not just about the destination — the journey is pretty damn enjoyable, too! Plus, you never know what other erogenous zones you might stumble upon along the way,” says Morse.