Take note, ladies!
Maybe it’s been a while since you dated and slept with a man. Or maybe you just got out of a relationship and are thinking about playing the field. Perhaps you want to discover your desirability and see what flirting and a fling can do for you. Go for it!
But, before you get started, you’ll want to know when you should have sex (or not) and the new etiquette rules of intimacy — so you can guard your heart and stay safe, while also having the fun you deserve!
Understanding what to expect, how to set boundaries and what to do in certain circumstances helps you feel more in control. The more comfortable you are, the more fun you can have in what might otherwise become an awkward situation.
The first four sex rules are for deciding when you should have sex and how to stave off your urge to have your way with a guy too soon. The last six rules of sex are for when you’re in between the sheets — and after, too.
Here are 10 sex-tiquette rules to live by:
When to have sex…
1. Determine when the right time for you.
The first thing you want to be clear about is how you feel about sex. Are you more like a man who can separate his emotions from sex and just enjoy? Or are you more like woman with emotional expectations and desire for lasting love?
If you identify with men, then you are free to do as you like without getting heart broken. Of course, please be smart and safe. On the other hand, if you feel sex has meaning, you’ll want to hold off. Nothing is worse than sharing a special intimate evening with a man and discovering that‘s all he wanted. This is especially painful when you hoped it might turn into something more.
How long should you wait if you are looking for a serious relationship? Many experts agree, the stigma of first date sex has become nearly non-existent. But that doesn’t mean you should jump in. What matters more is how YOU feel about it, since you can’t know ahead of time if he’ll ever call again.
You know your own heart, so make a rule for yourself about how many dates you are willing to wait. Consistency is often the biggest clue to a man’s intentions about you. After six dates, he’s shown enough interest that you have reduced the risk. There’s no guarantee, but you are likely hear from him again by holding out this long.
2. Decide before you go.
One of the best strategies to help you wait on sex is to decide before you even leave the house what you want to do. Don’t step out that door without setting your intention.
If you’re ready, then see what happens — this might be the night! Or wanting to get to know him better, you might decide to say no and then can breathe easy during the date. Not having to make a last-minute decision in the heat of the moment can be your saving grace.
3. Limit your drinks.
No question that alcohol reduces inhibitions. Support your decision to wait by limiting your drinks to just two for the evening.
This way, you’ll keep your wits about you, be able to make clear-headed decisions, and hopefully avoid throwing caution to the wind.
4. Go places in public first.
Another easy strategy to help you hold out is to enjoy dates in public places only. You might think his suggestion of a cozy night at your house or his, watching a movie and eating take-out sounds romantic. Don’t do it!
The temptation of being at home makes it too easy to take your eyes off the movie and fool around on the couch or head to the bedroom. Stay strong by going out.
Once you decide the time is right…
5. Be prepared.
That’s right girlfriend, don’t leave birth control and safe sex up to the man. Always be prepared by carrying your own condoms. Better safe than sorry. STDs are up these days so be smart and take care of your health, while having fun.
6. Speak up!
When it comes to equality in the bedroom, as women we have finally arrived! While some men prefer to remain dominant, plenty of guys enjoy when a woman initiates. It can be quite a spicy turn on for both of you.
So, if you have a have a fantasy and want to experiment, give it a shot and tell him. Most men are up for an exciting adventure. If you feel a little nervous, make your suggestions the second time you’re in bed instead of the first.
7. Clarify your boundaries.
Spend a little time getting clear on what you like and don’t like. You might not know for sure about some things until you try them, but make your best guess.
You are establishing what is okay and what won’t work for you. This clarity will help you give yourself permission to go for it or know when it’s time to say “no”.
8. Be clear, but gentle.
Let’s say you’re in the throes of passion and suddenly your man does something you don’t like. It happens. If possible, gently move his hand away to interrupt the activity. It might take more than once but, he’ll get the message without you having to say something. A man’s ego is fragile so be careful about how you say something corrective in bed.
If the situation calls for a stronger or faster response, do not hesitate. You can think ahead to what you might say so you don’t blurt something harsh out in the moment. This is another way to feel more in control.
9. Enjoy the afterglow.
The time just after sex can be so delicious. You might feel affectionate, playful or have a silly, sweet conversation. Keep in mind he might not feel the same way as you do about the afterglow.
Take your cues from him and follow his lead, so you don’t end up in an awkward situation where he wishes you would be quiet or leave.
10. Opt for a sleepover.
After a good romp, falling asleep might seem natural. But you never know, some men want to sleep alone so they get up and leave if at your place. If you’re at his home, then he might act strangely if you linger without his invitation.
Don’t assume anything. If he doesn’t want to spend the night, he could warm up to it later. Or, he might be clueing you in about his true intentions — not wanting more than doing the deed. If he doesn’t invite you to stay, it’s time to go home. Always make sure you can pay for a cab or Uber or take your own car home.