There are plenty of things single mums have mastered the art of – multi-tasking, compromise and patience to name a few.
But it’s not just the ability to breathe deeply and count to ten that they rock at.
When it comes to sex, single mums have got it going on – and it’s got nothing to do with gratitude.
When you’ve pushed a human being out of your vagina, suddenly something like a 3-inch stretch mark carries less significance.
Trust me on this one, you don’t want more detail.
There’s nothing like Peppa Pig on loop for the last 36 months and daily conversations about the pros and cons of a roller-skating disco party to encourage gentle enquiries about the availability of beds at your local mental health hospital.
If you want your date to cry with joy for just leaving the house, date a single mum – thankful for a parking ticket if it means they can have a conversation with another adult about something other than Disneyland, can you imagine what they’re like in the sack.
3. Hot sex and lots of it
Your date gets out once a month and has a babysitter until 10.30pm.
Cinema? Art gallery? Walk along the Thames? LOL.
4. No small talk
And if she’s lucky enough to have a free evening, not only will you get the reverse cowgirl instead of a stroll through Richmond park but you’ll also get the pleasure of some serious zeds after.
If you think you’ve mastered the art of dozing off after a shag, try three nights of unbroken sleep in the last four years.
Let the snooze off begin.
If there is one thing guaranteed to make a woman stringent about birth control, it’s solo child rearing.
The only unexpected surprise she wants from you is the ability to get it up again 10 minutes after your last orgasm.
6. Wet wipes
Always in a single mum’s handbag. Handy.
7. Biological clocks
Tick, tick, tick.
Is the scary sound you will not be hearing from your single mum girlfriend after two months of dating.
Been there, done it… now where were we, ah yes – orgasms.
8. They know what they want
When time is precious and adult interaction scarce, suddenly getting things right first time matters a lot.
Forget fumbling sex and not knowing what’s working or not – single mums spell it out.
And without the luxury of Sunday lie-ins and seven day-a-week shag options, single mums make sure it counts – and rarely get headaches.
9. Role play
Spending the majority of her waking life barking orders, when it comes to role play in the bedroom, single mums have it wrapped up.
You’ve been a bad boy, straight to bed with no supper!
Ya hear me.
10. But know how to cuddle like a pro too
Just don’t ask for milk.