Is it true that “real” sex is all about an Earth-shattering climax wherein foreplay plays no role? Is it possible to play by rules in the game of love? We explore.
It may start with the morning tea you serve your spouse in bed and progress into a passionate rendezvous by the evening that eventually escalates into carnal bliss in the night. If you haven’t guessed it yet, we are talking about the naughty acts before sex that are commonly referred to as foreplay.
If legends like Vatsayan are to be believed, for a sexual intercourse to be a perfect experience, a prolonged and sensual foreplay is most important. Since time immemorial, tales of making love have abounded with instances of immaculate foreplay that is considered to be the most fundamental part of best sex. Its boundaries stretch much beyond mere skin to skin seduction. However, according to a study conducted on 2,360 Czech women, the act of foreplay is overrated. The study claims that when it comes to the likelihood of having an orgasm, foreplay has little or no significance.
Is foreplay actually overrated? Is it true that “real” sex is all about Earth-shattering climax wherein foreplay plays no role? Is it possible to play by rules in the game of love? We explore…
Importance of foreplay
Explaining the findings of the controversial research, experts suggest, “Sex therapists and educators lay overwhelming emphasis on foreplay, but they need to be guided by the evidence which shows that it is not the case. Intercourse is significantly more important.”
On the other hand, in India, experts share a different perspective altogether. Dr. Shahid Ansari, a sex therapist, explains, “Love making is considered as one of the most efficient ways to get close to your partner. During the act you are with your soul-mate and have prepared yourself to forget all the other worldly worries and have set your mind to attain the ultimate experience – foreplay allows you to do exactly the same. It’s not only restricted to bodily pleasure, but it’s the moment when both the partners dedicate themselves to each other.”
Supports Rashmi Vaidye, a clinical physiatrist, “I totally disagree with those who condemn the importance of foreplay. It doesn’t necessarily mean kissing, hugging, licking, touching etc., it has to do with anything that allows both partners to set the scene, much before you undress. It may be a combination of some acts or a mixture of all; it all depends on the way you want to treat your partner.”
Foreplay is an experimental phase – and the experiment that linger on for life, if you need to live healthy and happy! Expressing surprise on the latest revelation regarding foreplay, Jamshed Sighania, a 28-year-old software developer, says, “I guess these people are really short on time or sleep because for me, the extra minutes spent on fondling my partner are nothing less than true bliss.”
Foreplay makes love last?
In the beginning of a relationship, lovers mostly can’t get enough of each other. This has more to do with just chemistry…it stems from mischievous petting and touching! The first few years of togetherness are filled with steamy showers and lovemaking. But have you ever wondered why it fades later?
Sexologist Dr. Renu Rai answers, “Making love in the beginning is very hot because of the touching and caressing (read foreplay). Making out is foreplay, but how often do people who have been married for ten or more years make out? They seem to just hop into the sack, aimed to achieve an orgasm. People forget that orgasm is only a brief part of making love.”
“Me and my wife are married since last thirty years, but still find the passion and desire we once experienced on our honeymoon. Love making is a holistic experience. To achieve maximum pleasure and to arouse your spouse to the peak level, both the partners need extra spice and that is attained via foreplay. All it takes is a bit (or more) of efforts to set the mood and ignite your partner’s passion,” shares Gaurav Bansal (name changed on request), a 54-year-old brand manager.
Men from Mars and women from Venus!
According to relationship expert Vandana Ganpathy, “Foreplay is the most critical part of sex. An average woman needs about 45 minutes of sensual intensification to reach an orgasm. I agree that a ‘hot and fast act’ has its own moments, but the simple truth is women need a little more time.”
Agress Samridhi Chopra, a 26-year-old marketing manager, “Women are emotional creatures, and that’s why they like, enjoy and often need foreplay. This has held true since ages, for men sex tends to be a stress reliever, but for women we need stress relief in order to be romantic. So if our partners take the time to listen, comfort and cuddle us a bit, there’s nothing more valuable and more gratifying”.
Foreplay is the one thing women can’t get enough…errr…okay, there are a few other things as well. Jhanvi Sharma (name changed on request) shares her woes, “My boyfriend is in love with quickie sex. He gets some sort of kick out of it. A long, passionate lovemaking session is just not his cup of tea. By the time I get ready for sex, he is over with it. It’s painful, annoying and I feel used. I would any day prefer a longer foreplay than the main course of the sexual act itself.”
“Unlike their male counterparts, women aren’t raring to get down to it. This is because their bodies need the lubrication required for intercourse and their emotions dictate the same to them. They need to feel a sense of closeness and mutual respect with their partner. All of this can be achieved through foreplay, which will also help the woman in question feel desired. If you simply want to jump her bones, she’ll feel like a tool or a machine,” explains Dr. Shahid Ansari.
So, ladies and gentleman, the verdict is out – even while you hustle and bustle and can’t find time to spin around, it would be good for your relationship if you learn to please each other.
Foreplay can actually rock your love nest and learning how to execute it will be your key to sexual success. Here are a few tips:
1. Be creative
Unfortunately, for a majority of us, the perception of foreplay is merely kissing and petting. Forget dimming the lights and nibbling on your partner’s neck (don’t overlook them completely, just briefly). Try on edible lingerie, nibble on aphrodisical foods or soak in a warm bath with aromatic oils.
2. Don’t rush things
One of the most important things to remember about foreplay is to focus on everything, but the so-called “bull’s eye” of the body. You can go near them, but don’t focus on them. Let the act of arousal build gradually. If you rush right in for the end zone, the game will be over before you even knew it. Take it slowly. Concentrate on being the best kisser your partner’s never had; treat every area of the body as an erogenous zone. Touch and kiss often-neglected areas such as the neck, throat, inner arms, stomach and eyelids before moving on further.
3. Foreplay is not exclusive to men
Thought seducing a woman is a man’s contractual obligation? Well, its time to dump the myth. Women can also resort to foreplay. Forget touching his hand, biting his lips, invading his private space and other feminine foreplay techniques, men respond favourably to visual stimulation, so try wearing a garter belt, slipping into those sexy heels or trying on the lacy lingerie.
Many of the most effective pre-play techniques happen before you even get your partner’s clothes off. It can start with a voice or text message sharing your deepest desire and fantasy with your beau. Even if you choose not to share your deepest, darkest desires, start using fantasy to get yourself in the mood for a rocking climax.
5. Pamper your partner
Believe it or not, some women can even be brought to an orgasm through a sensual foot massage. An erotic massage will sexualise and wake up new parts of your spouse, increasing the scope of pleasure. The trick to giving an invigourating massage is to keep it sensuous, which means taking breaks between touches to lick and kiss your lover.
6. Put on a show
Take tips from Dita Von Teese and perform a fabulous striptease for him/her. Make sure you’re wearing something slinky under your clothes. Pep up your love den by making sure it looks seductive with dim lights, scented, aroma candles and fresh bed and bath linens. Have a fridge stocked with champagne, wine, beer, chocolate, strawberry, grapes and other aphrodisiacal foods to feed your lover. Put on some sultry instrumental music and sway to them.
7. Seal it with a kiss!
Deep tongue kissing is one of the many formulas to turn you both on. As a matter of fact, couples like deep tongue kissing because it mimics sex. Instead of using the kiss as a two second start up, use it as a lingering moment to share your passion. If you don’t feel kissing is one of your stronger skills, work on it! There are lots of tips available, but one of the key points to keep in mind: men prefer wetter kisses with more tongue action than women.
This one is just for the men out there – want to spice up your love life? Grab a mop! Start by cleaning the kitchen, helping her with the dishes or preparing for next day’s breakfast. Women are put in the mood for love-making when their stress and work load is reduced. Once you shoulder more of the domestic work load and actually get her in the mood, use some of the above tips to make your typical foreplay moves even better.
9. Foreplay 24*7
There is no such thing as ‘the perfect foreplay’ and there are no defined rules, time and techniques to set the ball rolling. Foreplay is all about giving pleasure and creating anticipation. Give your partner a long, lingering goodbye kiss in the morning, instead of a usual peck and send a suggestive E-mail from work. Foreplay is (luckily) a 24 hour a day thing. Use mental stimulation to make your lover yearn for you.
10. Oral Action
Don’t jump to conclusions, we are talking about communication. Foreplay starts with words. Irrespective of your gender, complimenting your lover is a sureshot way of not just breaking the ice, but also making the other person admire you. Tell your partner about something in your life that really excites you, or if you know him/her well enough, tell a story that will attract her even more.